5 Reasons Why He Can't Commit To You

Will you marry me? Can we make this official? I want to be with you and only you. These are phrases we hope to hear from a one true love one day in our lifetime. It's the reason why we date. It's the reason why we get up everyday and put on our best make-up and attire. The one thing we hope to attain but sometimes feel it is impossible ; commitment from a man. As women, we seem to think we know immediately who we want to be with and are anxious to get in a relationship to feel wanted, accepted, and cherished. As soon as we begin to date a potential mate, we immediately think towards the future and try to figure out what we have to do to go from dating to a potential marriage. But men aren't built this way. Though some desire commitment just as women do, they take their time to make this decision and are wired to ensure they are making the right decision. As women, we go off of our feelings and are naturally loyal. No matter what is going on in our lives we feel we can make time to be in a relationship. But men aren't this easily swayed into a relationship. Every man has their different reasonings behind why they don't want a relationship. Some are legit, while others are just excuses. But for those who truly have a good heart, and want to do the right thing, they sometimes avoid commitment simply to save you.

1 Corinthians 13:4

"Love is patient, love is kind....."

1. He Doesn't Know Who He Is

In relationships men are expected to be the leader; the provider. In the world they are expected to be confident, mature, and have a lot of pressure to conform to society's expectations. Many guys are trying to figure out who they are and also who they desire to be. They are unsure of what life they want to create and don't want to involve a woman in this process. Why? Because he doesn't want to lock someone down, and he isn't even sure if you are what he wants long term. How can he know if you are the one for him if he is unsure of who he is? Let him find out who he is and be patient. You would rather commit to someone who is secure in who he is so you can be secure in the relationship.

2. How Can He Be Something He Has Never Seen?

A man can only be taught how to be a man, by a man. Point blank. Regardless of what  the mother does, he will still need some type of father figure in his life to teach him how to be a man. If this man is fatherless he is still trying to figure out what it means to be a man, husband, and father. He may have never seen a committed relationship in the home, therefore he doesn't value it as much as someone who may have seen it. This is hard for a male because they may truly desire a relationship with someone but have no idea what a "healthy" relationship looks like. If he is struggling with this, don't try and force him to be in something that he isn't ready for. Be patient. Be his friend. Let him find a male figure in his life that can guide him on what it truly means to be a committed spouse.

3. He Simply Isn't Ready

I know this phrase is hard for women to hear because we just don't understand why someone cannot be ready to be in a relationship. In our minds it is simple. We love each other. We enjoy each others company. Why not be in a relationship? Well I hate to tell you this, but if the man is telling you he is not ready...BELIEVE HIM. He knows himself better than you do and knows what he is dealing with internally. He may not be ready because he knows he is not ready to be faithful. He may not be ready because of the two reasons I stated above. Whatever the reason may be, accept it and make your decision on what you need to do for yourself. Many guys try to spare a woman's feelings by simply being honest, but then we convince ourselves we can change their minds and get deeper into our loyalty and end up hurt. Trust what he is saying. If he isn't ready....then he isn't ready.

4. You Aren't The One For Him

Ladies, I know it's hard to be rejected, but understand that every guy you meet is just not the guy for you and you aren't the woman for him.  But guess what? That is OK. When a man decides you aren't the one for him that does not change your value one bit. You are still beautiful. You are still a gem. You are still desirable. If he doesn't see you as the one for him then move on and make yourself available to the one who DOES see you as the one for him. One thing that is great about this present guy is that he was honest. Many men do not do this, so value his honesty and be glad he saved you from months of heartache.

5. God's Purpose Is Not Yours

Every man that we meet is not our potential husband. Some men will simply be a divine meeting set up by God. Whether it's to pray for him, or to gain a faithful friend, be open to God's purpose in mind and not your own. As women, we tend to miss good friendships due to are anxiousness to force a relationship. When you meet a male go to God and ask Him what His purpose is for you all's meeting. I have met many males that simply became great friendships or a moment for me to sow a seed into their lives. God has even used me in the past to be apart of a man's walk to finding Christ. Be open to God's will and pray to God..."Lord, I pray that this relationship isn't any more or less than what you desire it to be." I pray this simple prayer every time I come in contact with a male, and truly believe this has kept my desires out of the way and put God's in the forefront.

I know you want love. I know you want commitment. Ladies, trust God to give you your desires and don't force it yourselves. Anytime we try to force our own will, it is bound for destruction. Everything is beautiful in its time and God's timing is perfect.

 Ecclesiastes 3:11

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

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Blog Photo Credit to Love of My Life-Freddie Mercury-Queen from Flickr. Taken August 9th, 2011

3 Reasons Why You Cant Forgive , Heal and Let Go

Why Forgive? They were wrong for what they did to you and they deserve to never receive your forgiveness, right? You would never do what they did to you and would never treat someone so cold, right? Many of us feel this way. We have all been hurt by someone. We have all been left abandoned by someone. No matter what action took place, we have all experienced hurt , or an offense, from someone else. We all are carrying burdens, bitterness and anger that we just can't seem to let go. Its a horrible feeling and something we all have a hard time of letting go. Sadly, the more and more we hold on to it, the more trapped we become. We are not free. Why don't we forgive and why do we feel justified to not forgive others?

Matthew 6:14

 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."

1. We Feel Our Unforgiveness Is Justified

Whatever they may have done, you felt it was inexcusable, unexplainable, and should not be tolerated. They were wrong, and you just can't see yourself being able to let go of such an horrible offense. But have we not all fallen short of the glory of God?

Romans 3:23
"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard."

All of us have sinned, and that includes offending or hurting someone. We make mistakes. We say things we don't mean. We do things with selfish motives. We ALL have done it. Yet, when things are done to us we are astonished and deem what they have done as unforgivable. But God does not see it that way. Think about this. What if God treated us, the way we treat others, when they have done something wrong? If  when we hurt God, he turned His face and decided, "I cannot forgive her, it is done." But He doesn't. Regardless of what we do, or how many times we do it, He ALWAYS forgives. Why? Because He shows us grace and mercy. Because He loves us. Yet when we are offended we don't do the same. We feel what they did was unforgivable and they should never be shown grace or love. Yet God forgives us every single day. What makes us any different from them? Nothing. They are human beings just like we are. Just like us; needing God's grace, love and mercy. 

Luke 6:31
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

2. We Think That Forgiveness Means Reconciliation 

When we think of forgiving the person that has hurt us , we find it hard to do so because we can't imagine speaking to them, being friends, or reconciling any type of relationship with someone of that nature. We refuse to be in contact with them and afraid of them hurting us again. But guess what? Just because you forgive them does not mean you have to reconcile the relationship. Reconciliation is not guaranteed with forgiveness. That is your choice. God has given us wisdom and expects us to use it from one situation to the next. You may find yourself forgiving someone, but they haven't changed one bit. They are still doing the same thing they did when they offended you. Hard , right? But Jesus did it.

Romans 5: 8
 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

While we were STILL in sin, God forgave us and died on the cross for our sins. That is pure amazement and takes so much love, grace and mercy. You can do the same. Forgive them, regardless of what they are doing presently. Realize that it is not them , but the spirit in them that is hurting others. Hate the enemy, but not them. But realize, unless they have changed their ways, it is not your duty to restore you all's relationship.

 For reconciliation to occur, they need to show an effort of change and for change. Just like God forgives us, He not only expects us to ask for forgiveness, but He expects us to repent as well. There is a difference. When we ask for forgiveness, we are asking for God's grace, love, and patience to forget our offense and forgive our transgressions. While asking for forgiveness, we also have to make the decision to repent. When we repent, we are vowing to change our ways so we can be reconciled with God and restore our relationship that was tainted by sin. Just like God requires change, we can require change as well for reconciliation. God does not want you to remain around someone that is continuously hurting you, with no intentions of changing, but He DOES require you to forgive. He cannot forgive us if we do not forgive others.

3. We Are Still Hurting 

Whatever hurt they may have caused, it can sometimes still resonate in us years after the offense. It still hurts thinking about how much they did to us. It still affects are present relationships and trusting others. We still find ourselves going over and over the offense in our minds. We haven't let go of what they have done. We haven't healed from the past. The key to healing is forgiveness. When we forgive the person for what they have done, we are also releasing the anger and bitterness we have towards them. We realize that it is not them, but the enemy working in them, that has caused their actions. We realize that it is our past and that God has created us into NEW beings and can heal all of our wounds. We let go of the offense and step into freedom. The only way you can truly heal is to ask God to heal you. But with that, you have to make the choice to forgive and not think on the past any longer. 

Isaih 43: 18-19
"Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.… "

When we constantly hold on to our pasts, we can never receive the blessings God has in store for us. We are so caught up on our pain that we can't seek healing from our Father. Let Go. When we release all that has been done we attain a sense of freedom. A sense of a new purpose. A new life. Will it take time? Yes. Will it hurt releasing the hurt from all those years? Yes. Will we ever heal , let go and be restored by God? Yes. 

Become free in your life. God has so  much in store for you and He wants you to let go of your hurt. He wants you to have joy and receive the blessed life He has in store for you. Forgive.

~Prayer ~

"God, I cant even begin to explain all of the hurt I am feeling that (Insert Name) has done to me. I was betrayed. I was abandoned. I was lied to, and mistreated, in ways I could never imagine. Lord please heal and restore me. Help me to forgive (Insert Name) for what they have done. Lord, I want to love and show grace just like you do towards me. Show me how to forgive and be free from this life of bitterness and anger. I want to have joy; real joy. Be with me Father. I know you hear me, for your Word says that we can cast our cares on you for you care for us and will sustain us. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for healing me. In Jesus Name. Amen"

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Chloe M. Gooden

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