Chloe M. Gooden: 5 Reasons Why He Can't Commit To You

Will you marry me? Can we make this official? I want to be with you and only you. These are phrases we hope to hear from a one true love one day in our lifetime. It's the reason why we date. It's the reason why we get up everyday and put on our best make-up and attire. The one thing we hope to attain but sometimes feel it is impossible ; commitment from a man. As women, we seem to think we know immediately who we want to be with and are anxious to get in a relationship to feel wanted, accepted, and cherished. As soon as we begin to date a potential mate, we immediately think towards the future and try to figure out what we have to do to go from dating to a potential marriage. But men aren't built this way. Though some desire commitment just as women do, they take their time to make this decision and are wired to ensure they are making the right decision. As women, we go off of our feelings and are naturally loyal. No matter what is going on in our lives we feel we can make time to be in a relationship. But men aren't this easily swayed into a relationship. Every man has their different reasonings behind why they don't want a relationship. Some are legit, while others are just excuses. But for those who truly have a good heart, and want to do the right thing, they sometimes avoid commitment simply to save you.

1 Corinthians 13:4

"Love is patient, love is kind....."

1. He Doesn't Know Who He Is

In relationships men are expected to be the leader; the provider. In the world they are expected to be confident, mature, and have a lot of pressure to conform to society's expectations. Many guys are trying to figure out who they are and also who they desire to be. They are unsure of what life they want to create and don't want to involve a woman in this process. Why? Because he doesn't want to lock someone down, and he isn't even sure if you are what he wants long term. How can he know if you are the one for him if he is unsure of who he is? Let him find out who he is and be patient. You would rather commit to someone who is secure in who he is so you can be secure in the relationship.

2. How Can He Be Something He Has Never Seen?

A man can only be taught how to be a man, by a man. Point blank. Regardless of what the mother does, he will still need some type of father figure in his life to teach him how to be a man. If this man is fatherless he is still trying to figure out what it means to be a man, husband, and father. He may have never seen a committed relationship in the home, therefore he doesn't value it as much as someone who may have seen it. This is hard for a male because they may truly desire a relationship with someone but have no idea what a "healthy" relationship looks like. If he is struggling with this, don't try and force him to be in something that he isn't ready for. Be patient. Be his friend. Let him find a male figure in his life that can guide him on what it truly means to be a committed spouse.

3. He Simply Isn't Ready

I know this phrase is hard for women to hear because we just don't understand why someone cannot be ready to be in a relationship. In our minds it is simple. We love each other. We enjoy each others company. Why not be in a relationship? Well I hate to tell you this, but if the man is telling you he is not ready...BELIEVE HIM. He knows himself better than you do and knows what he is dealing with internally. He may not be ready because he knows he is not ready to be faithful. He may not be ready because of the two reasons I stated above. Whatever the reason may be, accept it and make your decision on what you need to do for yourself. Many guys try to spare a woman's feelings by simply being honest, but then we convince ourselves we can change their minds and get deeper into our loyalty and end up hurt. Trust what he is saying. If he isn't ready....then he isn't ready.

4. You Aren't The One For Him

Ladies, I know it's hard to be rejected, but understand that every guy you meet is just not the guy for you and you aren't the woman for him. But guess what? That is OK. When a man decides you aren't the one for him that does not change your value one bit. You are still beautiful. You are still a gem. You are still desirable. If he doesn't see you as the one for him then move on and make yourself available to the one who DOES see you as the one for him. One thing that is great about this present guy is that he was honest. Many men do not do this, so value his honesty and be glad he saved you from months of heartache.

5. God's Purpose Is Not Yours

Every man that we meet is not our potential husband. Some men will simply be a divine meeting set up by God. Whether it's to pray for him, or to gain a faithful friend, be open to God's purpose in mind and not your own. As women, we tend to miss good friendships due to are anxiousness to force a relationship. When you meet a male go to God and ask Him what His purpose is for you all's meeting. I have met many males that simply became great friendships or a moment for me to sow a seed into their lives. God has even used me in the past to be apart of a man's walk to finding Christ. Be open to God's will and pray to God..."Lord, I pray that this relationship isn't any more or less than what you desire it to be." I pray this simple prayer every time I come in contact with a male, and truly believe this has kept my desires out of the way and put God's in the forefront.

I know you want love. I know you want commitment. Ladies, trust God to give you your desires and don't force it yourselves. Anytime we try to force our own will, it is bound for destruction. Everything is beautiful in its time and God's timing is perfect.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

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Single to Married : Becoming Who You Are In Christ and a Better Complement as a Potential Wife