3 Reasons Why You Cant Forgive , Heal and Let Go

Why Forgive? They were wrong for what they did to you and they deserve to never receive your forgiveness, right? You would never do what they did to you and would never treat someone so cold, right? Many of us feel this way. We have all been hurt by someone. We have all been left abandoned by someone. No matter what action took place, we have all experienced hurt , or an offense, from someone else. We all are carrying burdens, bitterness and anger that we just can't seem to let go. Its a horrible feeling and something we all have a hard time of letting go. Sadly, the more and more we hold on to it, the more trapped we become. We are not free. Why don't we forgive and why do we feel justified to not forgive others?

Matthew 6:14

 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."

1. We Feel Our Unforgiveness Is Justified

Whatever they may have done, you felt it was inexcusable, unexplainable, and should not be tolerated. They were wrong, and you just can't see yourself being able to let go of such an horrible offense. But have we not all fallen short of the glory of God?

Romans 3:23
"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard."

All of us have sinned, and that includes offending or hurting someone. We make mistakes. We say things we don't mean. We do things with selfish motives. We ALL have done it. Yet, when things are done to us we are astonished and deem what they have done as unforgivable. But God does not see it that way. Think about this. What if God treated us, the way we treat others, when they have done something wrong? If  when we hurt God, he turned His face and decided, "I cannot forgive her, it is done." But He doesn't. Regardless of what we do, or how many times we do it, He ALWAYS forgives. Why? Because He shows us grace and mercy. Because He loves us. Yet when we are offended we don't do the same. We feel what they did was unforgivable and they should never be shown grace or love. Yet God forgives us every single day. What makes us any different from them? Nothing. They are human beings just like we are. Just like us; needing God's grace, love and mercy. 

Luke 6:31
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

2. We Think That Forgiveness Means Reconciliation 

When we think of forgiving the person that has hurt us , we find it hard to do so because we can't imagine speaking to them, being friends, or reconciling any type of relationship with someone of that nature. We refuse to be in contact with them and afraid of them hurting us again. But guess what? Just because you forgive them does not mean you have to reconcile the relationship. Reconciliation is not guaranteed with forgiveness. That is your choice. God has given us wisdom and expects us to use it from one situation to the next. You may find yourself forgiving someone, but they haven't changed one bit. They are still doing the same thing they did when they offended you. Hard , right? But Jesus did it.

Romans 5: 8
 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

While we were STILL in sin, God forgave us and died on the cross for our sins. That is pure amazement and takes so much love, grace and mercy. You can do the same. Forgive them, regardless of what they are doing presently. Realize that it is not them , but the spirit in them that is hurting others. Hate the enemy, but not them. But realize, unless they have changed their ways, it is not your duty to restore you all's relationship.

 For reconciliation to occur, they need to show an effort of change and for change. Just like God forgives us, He not only expects us to ask for forgiveness, but He expects us to repent as well. There is a difference. When we ask for forgiveness, we are asking for God's grace, love, and patience to forget our offense and forgive our transgressions. While asking for forgiveness, we also have to make the decision to repent. When we repent, we are vowing to change our ways so we can be reconciled with God and restore our relationship that was tainted by sin. Just like God requires change, we can require change as well for reconciliation. God does not want you to remain around someone that is continuously hurting you, with no intentions of changing, but He DOES require you to forgive. He cannot forgive us if we do not forgive others.

3. We Are Still Hurting 

Whatever hurt they may have caused, it can sometimes still resonate in us years after the offense. It still hurts thinking about how much they did to us. It still affects are present relationships and trusting others. We still find ourselves going over and over the offense in our minds. We haven't let go of what they have done. We haven't healed from the past. The key to healing is forgiveness. When we forgive the person for what they have done, we are also releasing the anger and bitterness we have towards them. We realize that it is not them, but the enemy working in them, that has caused their actions. We realize that it is our past and that God has created us into NEW beings and can heal all of our wounds. We let go of the offense and step into freedom. The only way you can truly heal is to ask God to heal you. But with that, you have to make the choice to forgive and not think on the past any longer. 

Isaih 43: 18-19
"Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.… "

When we constantly hold on to our pasts, we can never receive the blessings God has in store for us. We are so caught up on our pain that we can't seek healing from our Father. Let Go. When we release all that has been done we attain a sense of freedom. A sense of a new purpose. A new life. Will it take time? Yes. Will it hurt releasing the hurt from all those years? Yes. Will we ever heal , let go and be restored by God? Yes. 

Become free in your life. God has so  much in store for you and He wants you to let go of your hurt. He wants you to have joy and receive the blessed life He has in store for you. Forgive.

~Prayer ~

"God, I cant even begin to explain all of the hurt I am feeling that (Insert Name) has done to me. I was betrayed. I was abandoned. I was lied to, and mistreated, in ways I could never imagine. Lord please heal and restore me. Help me to forgive (Insert Name) for what they have done. Lord, I want to love and show grace just like you do towards me. Show me how to forgive and be free from this life of bitterness and anger. I want to have joy; real joy. Be with me Father. I know you hear me, for your Word says that we can cast our cares on you for you care for us and will sustain us. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for healing me. In Jesus Name. Amen"

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Chloe M. Gooden

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