3 Reasons Why You Cant Forgive , Heal and Let Go

Why Forgive? They were wrong for what they did to you and they deserve to never receive your forgiveness, right? You would never do what they did to you and would never treat someone so cold, right? Many of us feel this way. We have all been hurt by someone. We have all been left abandoned by someone. No matter what action took place, we have all experienced hurt , or an offense, from someone else. We all are carrying burdens, bitterness and anger that we just can't seem to let go. Its a horrible feeling and something we all have a hard time of letting go. Sadly, the more and more we hold on to it, the more trapped we become. We are not free. Why don't we forgive and why do we feel justified to not forgive others?

Matthew 6:14

 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."

1. We Feel Our Unforgiveness Is Justified

Whatever they may have done, you felt it was inexcusable, unexplainable, and should not be tolerated. They were wrong, and you just can't see yourself being able to let go of such an horrible offense. But have we not all fallen short of the glory of God?

Romans 3:23
"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard."

All of us have sinned, and that includes offending or hurting someone. We make mistakes. We say things we don't mean. We do things with selfish motives. We ALL have done it. Yet, when things are done to us we are astonished and deem what they have done as unforgivable. But God does not see it that way. Think about this. What if God treated us, the way we treat others, when they have done something wrong? If  when we hurt God, he turned His face and decided, "I cannot forgive her, it is done." But He doesn't. Regardless of what we do, or how many times we do it, He ALWAYS forgives. Why? Because He shows us grace and mercy. Because He loves us. Yet when we are offended we don't do the same. We feel what they did was unforgivable and they should never be shown grace or love. Yet God forgives us every single day. What makes us any different from them? Nothing. They are human beings just like we are. Just like us; needing God's grace, love and mercy. 

Luke 6:31
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

2. We Think That Forgiveness Means Reconciliation 

When we think of forgiving the person that has hurt us , we find it hard to do so because we can't imagine speaking to them, being friends, or reconciling any type of relationship with someone of that nature. We refuse to be in contact with them and afraid of them hurting us again. But guess what? Just because you forgive them does not mean you have to reconcile the relationship. Reconciliation is not guaranteed with forgiveness. That is your choice. God has given us wisdom and expects us to use it from one situation to the next. You may find yourself forgiving someone, but they haven't changed one bit. They are still doing the same thing they did when they offended you. Hard , right? But Jesus did it.

Romans 5: 8
 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

While we were STILL in sin, God forgave us and died on the cross for our sins. That is pure amazement and takes so much love, grace and mercy. You can do the same. Forgive them, regardless of what they are doing presently. Realize that it is not them , but the spirit in them that is hurting others. Hate the enemy, but not them. But realize, unless they have changed their ways, it is not your duty to restore you all's relationship.

 For reconciliation to occur, they need to show an effort of change and for change. Just like God forgives us, He not only expects us to ask for forgiveness, but He expects us to repent as well. There is a difference. When we ask for forgiveness, we are asking for God's grace, love, and patience to forget our offense and forgive our transgressions. While asking for forgiveness, we also have to make the decision to repent. When we repent, we are vowing to change our ways so we can be reconciled with God and restore our relationship that was tainted by sin. Just like God requires change, we can require change as well for reconciliation. God does not want you to remain around someone that is continuously hurting you, with no intentions of changing, but He DOES require you to forgive. He cannot forgive us if we do not forgive others.

3. We Are Still Hurting 

Whatever hurt they may have caused, it can sometimes still resonate in us years after the offense. It still hurts thinking about how much they did to us. It still affects are present relationships and trusting others. We still find ourselves going over and over the offense in our minds. We haven't let go of what they have done. We haven't healed from the past. The key to healing is forgiveness. When we forgive the person for what they have done, we are also releasing the anger and bitterness we have towards them. We realize that it is not them, but the enemy working in them, that has caused their actions. We realize that it is our past and that God has created us into NEW beings and can heal all of our wounds. We let go of the offense and step into freedom. The only way you can truly heal is to ask God to heal you. But with that, you have to make the choice to forgive and not think on the past any longer. 

Isaih 43: 18-19
"Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.… "

When we constantly hold on to our pasts, we can never receive the blessings God has in store for us. We are so caught up on our pain that we can't seek healing from our Father. Let Go. When we release all that has been done we attain a sense of freedom. A sense of a new purpose. A new life. Will it take time? Yes. Will it hurt releasing the hurt from all those years? Yes. Will we ever heal , let go and be restored by God? Yes. 

Become free in your life. God has so  much in store for you and He wants you to let go of your hurt. He wants you to have joy and receive the blessed life He has in store for you. Forgive.

~Prayer ~

"God, I cant even begin to explain all of the hurt I am feeling that (Insert Name) has done to me. I was betrayed. I was abandoned. I was lied to, and mistreated, in ways I could never imagine. Lord please heal and restore me. Help me to forgive (Insert Name) for what they have done. Lord, I want to love and show grace just like you do towards me. Show me how to forgive and be free from this life of bitterness and anger. I want to have joy; real joy. Be with me Father. I know you hear me, for your Word says that we can cast our cares on you for you care for us and will sustain us. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for healing me. In Jesus Name. Amen"

For Encouragement, Prayer, or Advice, Message Me on Facebook @

Chloe M. Gooden

Want to receive more prayers in your walk of restoration and healing ? Get my new book coming out June 25th, 2014 on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com.

 Single to Married Devotional : 30 Days of Transformation, Restoration, and Healing

 

5 Reasons Why You're Still Single

Single and Waiting. Pretty sure this is something you hear often in the single life. You probably don't pay so much attention to the word Single,  but more so the word  Waiting. Seems like you've been waiting forever right? Many singles feel the same way. They are questioning God just like you are and hoping that they will wake up, walk outside, and their prince will arrive at their doorstep saved, sanctified, and ready to propose! But reality is many women are still waiting, and some have even lost hope on a mate finding them. So why such a long wait? Why hasn't God brought you your spouse? Though there could be specific reasons to each of you individually , I am going to give you 5 reasons why you are probably still waiting. Don't be discouraged. God sees and hears your every need. Just because He hasn't answered your prayers, doesn't mean He isn't there.

5 Reasons Why You're Still Single

1. Intentions
2. Free Will
3. God's Plan
4. Testing of Faith
5. Jealous God

Intentions

In Genesis God saw that Adam was alone and he gave him Eve. He didn't want him to be alone and felt it was good to bring Adam a helpmate. Just like He saw Adam's needs, He sees yours as well. He hears you asking for a mate. He knows you long for companionship. But have you ever stopped and really wrote down why you desire a spouse? Read my Blog Post on : 5 Reasons Why Single Women Want A Man. Make sure that you are not looking for a spouse to fulfill needs that should be fulfilled by God. Also, do you want a spouse just because you are frustrated sexually? Or maybe you want a spouse because you want the ring and a wedding? Maybe you think a spouse coming into your life will resolve some issues in your life? Do you want a spouse to have someone take care of you? Whatever your intentions may be , make sure they are pure and of good reasoning. God knows our hearts. He knows exactly why you want a mate and if that is what's best for you. Take your reasoning to court with God and ask Him to reveal your heart and motives.

James 4:3 

"When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

Free Will

Over and over again you hear people telling you that God will bring you a mate, or God has picked someone specifically for you. I have even heard people say that you and your spouse were made for each other in your mother's wombs, as if God picked you all to be together as He formed you. Something you have to remember is that God has given us FREE WILL. God does not make us love each other nor does He make us love Him ; He gives us the choice. He cannot make someone fall in love with you. Now what God can do is place you in the presence of a Godly man. In the Bible when God paired others together he brought them in the presence of each other, but he didnt make them fall in love. When Boaz met Ruth he admired her and Ruth presented herself to Boaz. Boaz made the decision to accept Ruth, take her as his own, and marry her. God loves you and He does want the best for you. He can orchestrate the best possible scenario for you and a man to meet, but you both have to make the choice to love each other. That's whats so amazing about God. He wants to give you your desires. He wants to make you happy. He will do what He can on His part to bring you those desires, but when it comes to our hearts, He cannot control. Its not that He is incapable of doing so, for God is all powerful. But He gives us choices. If God wanted to force us to love, He would make us love Him. But He doesnt want that. He wants us to love Him FREELY. Don't you want the same from your future spouse?

Deuteronomy 30:19

 "This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live"

God Has A Plan

God always has an ultimate plan for our lives. He gives us a choice to accept His, or try and seek our own way. Of course, His plan is best. The calling He has over your life has a specific purpose on this Earth and He will guide your every footstep along the way. Sometimes in that plan, finding a spouse is nowhere in the plan, or years down the line. He knows you better than you know yourself and He knows when it's the best time to place a mate in your life. You may not be ready yet to have a spouse. Maybe it will be a distraction? Maybe He has a purpose for you to fulfill before you meet someone? Regardless of what the plan may be, are you willing to accept His plan over yours? Seek God and ask Him to show you His will for your life in this season. Ask Him to help you accept His will and trust that He knows what is best for you. Don't worry, He will make sure to carry you through the entire process. He will never give His children anything they cannot bear without His strength, support, and love.

Provers 19:21

"Many plans in the man's mind, but God's will stand"

The Testing of Your Faith

When you ask for anything from God there is always a period of waiting. Waiting on God is a struggle for so many people. We are so used to having quick access to the pleasures of this world and it has made it a struggle for us to wait on fulfillment. Though there are changes in this Earth, God never changes. He still requires us to wait, just as He did of those in the Bible. God has us wait for multiple reasons:

1. The testing of our Faith.

2. To build our Character.

3. To teach us to Perservere

4. To teach us Patience.

5. To remind us of the character of God. 

James 1:2-4

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Jealous God

God wants you to love Him above all other people and things. You are here for His purpose and His glory. He wants your total love and dedication to Him. He knows why you want a spouse, and also if bringing a spouse in your life will distract you. He wants to know that your love for Him won't dwindle because a man has entered your life. Many single women will seek God wholeheartedly for the sole purpose of God blessing them with a spouse. Everything they do is with a purpose of finding a man. They serve the community in hopes that a man will see their efforts and think highly of them. They sing in the choir solely because the director is attractive and they hope to grab their attention. The schemes are limitless. Know that God sees this and will not bless efforts that are not pure. He wants you to seek Him because you love Him. He wants you to show love to others because you love Him. He wants you to serve others because you love Him. Just like you wouldn't want someone to do things for you just to get something, God doesn't want that treatment either. He wants your love for Him to be pure, not expecting anything but love in return.

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