Chloe M. Gooden: 3 Reasons Why You Won't Let Go of Your Ex

Oh the good ole exes! I truly feel we all have some form of a past partner that we can't let go of or struggling to get rid of. It can be hard though. They are familiar , comfortable and sometimes even the back up plan if it doesn't work out with the new guy. Though it may feel having them around is a great safety net, it's truly destroying you and your possibility of a future mate. We keep them around for multiple reasons, and to be honest, every reason out there doesn't justify keeping them around. Now don't get me wrong, some people have became great friends with their past partners but that can even be touchy. If you were truly in love with someone you simply can't just be there friend. So why won't we let them go? Why do we keep exes around knowing we need to move forward. Well, here are some common reasons below. Hopefully you can connect with them and see the need to make a change quick! You will never get to the man for you if you don't let go of the man behind you. You ex is your ex for a reason.

1. You Are Keeping Them as a "Just-In-Case-I-Never-Find-Someone-Better" Plan
           - This can be beyond harmful for you. In your mind you think it's better to end up with something instead of nothing at all. BIG NO NO! If you left him, or he left you, you need to keep that in mind. Maybe you all just aren't right for each other? Maybe you will be better compatible with someone else. Either way, that's not fair to him nor you to keep them in the back burner as a back up plan. You may not realize this, but by you keeping them in the back of your mind you are messing up your longevity with a new person. How you might ask? Everytime something comes up in the "new" relationship , your tolerance will be quite low because you will have in your mind that you can run back to your ex. Also, as soon as the "new" person doesn't do something that you liked in the past partner, or you all are still learning each others likes/dislikes, you will run back to the ex out of comfort, completely forgetting why you left in the first place.

2. You Are Still Physically Involved With Them
          - Stop this IMMEDIATELY!! When you are physical with someone you are keeping a soul-tie with this person. You are connected and continuing/increasing the connection the more you are involved. I talk more about this spiritual connection in my book Not Tonight : My Worth Is Far Above Rubies if you want more info and also letting go of your ex. But it is imperative to break this tie so you can be open to other people. You cannot truly let them go if you keep reconnecting with them physically.

3. You Don't Have A Realistic View of You All's Relationship
          - Since you are lonely, you probably find yourself reminiscing on the relationship, completely forfeiting the reasons why you left. Remind yourself of why you all are exes. Remember and keep it in mind everytime you think you want to go back. Don't get distracted by the "feel good" moments that you forget you all's real issues and problems. One thing I learned in my own life, is when you go back to a past relationship, you all re-start the Honeymoon phase each time. You go into the relationship forgetting your past and you re-start the "lovey-dovey-I-cant-get-enough-of-you" phase. If you all truly are trying to make it work then be honest about the past issues and ensure that you all are making steps to work on them as adults. Ignoring them will only cause issues later. I talk more about this in my book Single to Married: Becoming Who You Are In Christ and a Better Complement as a Potential Wife if you want more info.

If you really want to find the love you truly deserve, whether that's with a new partner or learning to love yourself, you need to let the past stay in the past.

You will never get to the man for you if you don't let go of the man behind you.

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