3 Reasons Why You Won't Let Go of Your Ex

Oh the good ole exes! I truly feel we all have some form of a past partner that we can't let go of or struggling to get rid of. It can be hard though. They are familiar , comfortable and sometimes even the back up plan if it doesn't work out with the new guy. Though it may feel having them around is a great safety net, it's truly destroying you and your possibility of a future mate. We keep them around for multiple reasons, and to be honest, every reason out there doesn't justify keeping them around. Now don't get me wrong, some people have became great friends with their past partners but that can even be touchy. If you were truly in love with someone you simply can't just be there friend. So why won't we let them go? Why do we keep exes around knowing we need to move forward. Well, here are some common reasons below. Hopefully you can connect with them and see the need to make a change quick! You will never get to the man for you if you don't let go of the man behind you. You ex is your ex for a reason.

1. You Are Keeping Them as a "Just-In-Case-I-Never-Find-Someone-Better" Plan
           - This can be beyond harmful for you. In your mind you think it's better to end up with something instead of nothing at all. BIG NO NO! If you left him, or he left you, you need to keep that in  mind. Maybe you all just aren't right for each other? Maybe you will be better compatible with someone else. Either way, that's not fair to him nor you to keep them in the back burner as a back up plan. You may not realize this, but by you keeping them in the back of your mind you are messing up your longevity with a new person. How you might ask? Everytime something comes up in the "new" relationship , your tolerance will be quite low because you will have in your mind that you can run back to your ex. Also, as soon as the "new" person doesn't do something that you liked in the past partner, or you all are still learning each others likes/dislikes, you will run back to the ex out of comfort, completely forgetting why you left in the first place.

2. You Are Still Physically Involved With Them
          - Stop this IMMEDIATELY!! When you are physical with someone you are keeping a soul-tie with this person. You are connected and continuing/increasing the connection the more you are involved. I talk more about this spiritual connection in my book Not Tonight : My Worth Is Far Above Rubies if you want more info and also letting go of your ex. But it is imperative to break this tie so you can be open to other people. You cannot truly let them go if you keep reconnecting with them physically.

3. You Don't Have A Realistic View of You All's Relationship
          - Since you are lonely, you probably find yourself reminiscing on the relationship, completely forfeiting the reasons why you left. Remind yourself of why you all are exes. Remember and keep it in mind everytime you think you want to go back. Don't get distracted by the "feel good" moments that you forget you all's real issues and problems. One thing I learned in my own life, is when you go back to a past relationship, you all re-start the Honeymoon phase each time. You go into the relationship forgetting your past and you re-start the "lovey-dovey-I-cant-get-enough-of-you" phase. If you all truly are trying to make it work then be honest about the past issues and ensure that you all are making steps to work on them as adults. Ignoring them will only cause issues later. I talk more about this in my book Single to Married: Becoming Who You Are In Christ and a Better Complement as a Potential Wife if you want more info.

If you really want to find the love you truly deserve, whether that's with a new partner or learning to love yourself, you need to let the past stay in the past.

You will never get to the man for you if you don't let go of the man behind you.

 www.chloemgooden.com 

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Photo by xeeliz

Taken by February 4th, 2006

Title : Ex-Boyfriend

 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/

5 Reasons Why You Don't Have Peace In Your Life

Have you ever had an uneasy feeling that you just couldn't explain? Have you ever felt out of place or as if you are missing something? Or maybe you find yourself always having a headache or always ill? I have been there. Actually, presently I am sick at the moment because I was missing something very important to all of our lives ; Peace. This is a word that is near and dear to my heart. Why? Because I feel that having peace is one of the best gifts you can have as a human being. Peace with where God has you. Peace in any situation. Peace with where God is taking you. I feel that when you have peace you truly are encompassing a life of contentment, joy and trust in the Almighty God. Since this is so near and dear to my heart I do everything I can to eradicate anything that keeps me from having peace in my life. You should truly do the same. When you have peace in your life it helps you in your mind , body , spirit and soul. So how do we attain this peace? Most of all, how do we maintain it? Throughout my life I have come across some things that have taken away my peace, and when I was able to recognize what was causing my discord, I immediately begin to take hold of my life and eradicate anything and anyone who kept me from having peace. You should do the same! You will be surprised how much it changes your life.

 Here are 5 Reasons Why You Don't Have Peace....

1. You Are Involved in Unhealthy Relationships
        - Now this can be an intimate relationship or platonic. The people in your circle play a major role in how you live life. They can be a positive influence or a negative one. How can you tell if it's positive or negative? Easy. Do you find that after you are with them or talk to them you are better off then you were before? Are you all's conversations uplifting? Full of growth, maturity and wisdom? Do you find yourself laughing with them or always in a state of fret and worry? Are they helping you reach your goals in life or keeping you stagnant? Are they causing you harm or are they loving, caring and supportive of who you are? Are they using you? Do you feel that when you leave them you are empty and never filled?  Every life we are around is a spirit of influence. Evaluate your relationships. If they don't give you peace then they need to be eradicated or step up to your peaceful standards.

2. Disobedience
     - As the saying goes, "When you know better you do better." Being a Christian, you should know what is seen as walking righteous before God and what is not. Now God understands that we may fall occasionally, this is why we have Jesus Christ. But He never gave us a pass to continue to live in sin. Living in sin and occasionally falling into sin are two different things. When you are living in sin you are making the habitual choice to do what you know is wrong before God despite the knowledge you have about the Word of God. If you have the Holy Spirit residing in you, which being saved you do, your spirit will never rest until you make amends with God and correct your behavior. That nudge you keep feeling. That uneasiness, restless spirit you keep experiencing. That's the Holy Spirit's way of convicting you. God doesn't come to condemn but the Holy Spirit will continually nudge at you to live right before God. Why? Because that's what's best for you. If you truly have a loving relationship with God, a true intimate relationship, you will never be able to continue living in sin and be at peace.

3. Holding Out on Your Calling
       - Being in ministry work, I remember when I first felt God calling over my life. I knew something was growing inside of me and felt I was about to burst. I didn't understand it and couldn't figure out why I was so unsettled. Even when I started to figure out what it may be, I kept ignoring the call out of fear and expectation. Until I accepted the call and carried out God's great work , I was restless. This can happen to you as well when God has called you to do a great work! You know what you are called to do. You know what gifts God has called you to use. Until you do it, you will be restless because you are not walking in your God given authority and talent. Even now when I am not doing what I supposed to do, I sometimes can't rest until I do God work. Do what God has called you to do! It is the most rewarding feeling ever.

4. Worrying 
       - Whooo I know all of us can attest to this! It is so easy for us to stress over things that we cannot control. In the Word it discusses how worrying literally adds NOTHING to your life.( I suggest reading the entire section of Luke 12: 22-34.)  Luke 12:25 "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" .....worrying literally has no benefit to us. It is a waste of time, energy and commitment. You serving the God you serve should be the end of all worry. God said He will provide for you , care for you , sustain you, love you and never leave nor forsake you. If you TRULY believe that, TRULY , then you should never worry. When you find yourself in a state of worry, get in your Word and be reminded of God's promises. Everything truly does work out for our God. EVERYTHING.

5. Rest
       - Sometimes even if we are doing all of the points above we will still have some moments where we don't feel at peace. Sometimes you just simply need rest. Rest your Mind. Rest your Body. Rest your Spirit Man. Sometimes we need those moments of doing absolutely nothing for God to heal us , talk to us and restore us. Even God Himself rested so it is beyond important that we do the same. This is a good time to recollect what God has called you to do, go over the joys in your life and even have a moment of thankfulness to God for your health and strength. Even when we don't willingly rest, many times our bodies will force us to rest. This is where sickness comes to surface! So rest yourself.

Isaiah 26:3

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."

www.chloemgooden.com

4 Reasons Why You Keep Ending Up In Situationships