4 Reasons Why You're Still Single : Part 2

So you are single? I am assuming you are or you wouldn't be looking at this blog post. It sucks, right? You figured by this age you would be married or ATLEAST in a relationship. You see friends getting engaged, married and starting a family, yet, you can't even get a date for the weekend. It's frustrating, very frustrating. Trust me, I get it. I have been in relationships, married, divorced and BACK in the dating field. It's no fun. You think to yourself, "Geesh. All I want is a good man in my life and to have the simple things like love, marriage and family. Why is it so hard?" That's a great question. Why IS it so hard? There are a plethora of answers I could give on why you are single, just even statistically. For instance, for African American Women there are 8 black women to every 1 black man. ONE! Now that's just one statistic. I don't even want to get started on the others. Though there are surrounding reasons on why you are single, and a ton of evidence to prove it's due to external causes, the truth of the matter is you may be single because of YOU. I know that's hard to take in. I know that's hard to accept. But this is something I had to accept for myself as well. Now understand that yes, there are other reasons you could be single such as God's timing, God's purpose, etc. I go over these reasons in Part 1 of the blog 5 Reasons You're Still Single. If you would like to read it, here is the link: http://chloemgooden.blogspot.com/2014/05/5-reasons-why-youre-still-single.html. But right now we are going to focus on YOU. Nobody likes to hear that they are the cause of their problems. Now I am not saying being single is a "problem", but it is a desire of yours to be with someone and it is something holding you back from attaining that desire. Well, through my own experience and others, I have placed together just a starting four reasons why you are probably still single. There are a ton more. But I am going to start off with these four. As you read them I hope you understand that I am in no way judging or trying to point fingers. I just want to help you just as these insights have helped me. Sometimes we are the own solution to our problems. You can either accept that and change, or either keep fighting against the truth and remain exactly where you are today; Single. So here we go............

1. You Keep Attracting the Wrong Guys
          - Okay, so you may see this headline and think, "Well, duh Chloe. That's why I am single in the first place." Exactly. What made me sit down and really change my perception on my choices was when I realized that I kept picking guys who had similar issues and attributes that were not good dating choices. I would get angry when the same thing would happen over and over with different guys and it made me sit back and think, "Wait, how is it I date different guys yet they all have the same issues?" Because there is something in me that is attracting certain males. For instance, if you find yourself constantly attracting liars, why is that? If you find yourself constantly attracting manipulators, why is that? There is something going on with you internally that you keep attracting them. Are you attracting liars because you want a man in your life so bad that you ignore obvious signs of deceit? Or maybe you keep attracting guys who use you because you give yourself to easily/readily and feel you have to do so to keep a man? Whatever it is you are attracting, do a personal inventory and ask yourself what is going on with you internally that you keep allowing yourself to be involved with these type ofmen. Are there insecurities going on with you? Was there someone in your family that exuded these characteristics and you SWORE you would never date a man like that? Sit back. Journal. Figure out what is going on and change your outcome.

2. You Date Unavailable Men
            - Now you would think this would be an obvious stay away characteristic, but many of us have done this in some form or fashion. Whether the guy was unavailable emotionally, married, in a relationship, engaged, still involved with his ex, still involved with his baby mama, whatever it may be, they are involved! Sometimes we see they are involved but get blinded by their charm, attention and promises of leaving their present significant other. They give us hope that we are the one for them and they just need time to get out of the situation. If a man is unavailable, he is UNAVAILABLE, point blank. Don't get involved with a man unless he is SINGLE. COMPLETELY SINGLE. Don't let your need to have attention or companionship get you involved with someone who cannot make you a priority. You deserve to be a priority. You deserve to be the only one. You deserve a real, committed, loving relationship. Don't settle for less than that.  If you want more tips on this topic, watch my Youtube Post "The Unavailable Man: 5 Men You Don't Want to Date"  here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHQ6DglkStg

3. You Haven't Healed From Your Past
               - Okay, so this is a biggie! All of us have a past that is affecting us today. Whether it's a past heartbreak, abuse and/or hurt that we haven't dealt with, it all can affect us in our relationships. When we are not healed we will continue to attract broken people as well. Those past hurts and pains caused wounds for us, they are still open and we aren't doing anything about it. It's like walking around with a broken leg and never going to the doctor to get it fixed! You keep walking around saying, "It's okay, it's okay"...but you are limping. You are broken. You are in pain. But you continue to try and keep moving forward as if it's not there. Sounds crazy right? But it is the same thing with this past hurt you have not dealt with. Someone in your past may have sexually abused you. Someone in your past may have abused you emotionally or physically. Someone in your past may have cheated and lied to you. Or maybe you never received real security and love at home and you are searching for it from a man? Whatever the hurt may be, you need to deal with it, heal and transform into a healthy and whole woman of God. When you are healed and whole you can attract a healed and whole person. How can you heal? Multiple ways. Ask God to Heal you and reveal the pains in your heart and past that you have not dealt with. Attain counseling or become involved in a group of support and encouragement. Talk to someone you can trust that can walk you through the process and deal with your past. I created a group for Single Women who need healing from past hurts, pains, recent break ups, let go of past partners, or want to stop negative patterns that keep them from attaining the love they deserve. If you want to join, simply click here and I will add you : https://www.facebook.com/groups/1664544490444259/

4. You Don't Really Believe You Can Get a Man
             - I know this is a tough statement to take in, but sadly, many of us internally really don't believe we can get a man. Why? For multiple reasons. Some may feel they can't get a man because they aren't attractive enough. Some may feel they can't because they don't really believe they deserve to be loved. While others believe thee just aren't any good men out there anymore. How many times have you heard or said that yourself? As much as we want a relationship, deep down, some of us truly don't believe we can have it and we speak it over ourselves daily. Whether you believe there aren't any good men out there, or you continuously say, "I'll never get married," to attain pity, you are speaking those things, therefore, you believe it and it will continue to manifest because your actions will coincide with your speech/belief. If you truly want to attain love then speak positivity over the situation. Rejoice when you see others attain love, because you know that gives you even more hope that yours will come one day as well. Tell yourself everyday that you deserve love and when the time is right you will have it. Be positive, positive, positive! Envision yourself having your hopes and desires. When you believe it in your heart then your actions will follow and it will manifest in it's time.

I said in the beginning, this is just a small number of reasons why you are probably still single. There are plenty more, but I will touch more on that in my book coming out soon! I truly do want you to have the love you so much desire, but you truly have to take ownership of some changes you need to make within yourself that may be preventing this love. I suggest that you join the Rubies Healing & Letting Go group on Facebook if you want to take steps to get closer to your desires. It's free of course! =) Everything I do is to help! We have already started meeting each other and expressing our desires. We will be starting next Sunday on a weekly journey of Healing, Letting Go and Attaining the Love We Deserve! Click the Link Here to Join: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1664544490444259/ !

Always Praying for You!

Love,

Chloe M. Gooden

www.chloemgooden.com 
Photo Credit by via www.lovethispic.com 

5 Thing to Consider Before You Commit to Him

Being single we get super excited when we meet a new guy that we sometimes ignore signs that may be screaming to us that he is not the guy! Or maybe he is the right guy for you but you want to ensure some things before you commit. Here are a couple of things to think about. Much more in my book Single to Married!

1. How Does He Communicate With Others
2. What's His Relationship with Mom/Dad
3. His Surroundings
4. Future Goals/Aspirations
5. Relationship With Christ

5 Ways to Deal with a Recent Break-Up

4 Reasons You Still Struggle with the Same Sin

8 Signs You Are a Side Chick or Your "Guy" is Dating Multiple Women

Okay. So I saw a post today where a man was juggling 17 women. He had 5 wives, 5 fiances and 7 girlfriends. WHAT?! I looked up the article myself and found another article where a guy has done the same thing, except he wasn't married to any of them. Now this is what gets me. I am not even mad at the man. That took some true talent. But what I am concerned about are the women involved.  How could you not notice a man that is dating that many women? There is no way they were unable to see some type of sign that this man had other women in his life. But to be honest with you, I think many of us have been in a situation where we thought we were the "only" girl in his life, soon to find out we were wrong! But did this just happen out of nowhere? How did we miss it? To be honest with you, the signs usually are everywhere but we decide to ignore them. The one night he somehow lost his phone and magically found it the next morning. The many times he checks his phone and makes sure you can't see the message. The moment you notice he doesn't talk to you as much throughout the day as he used to. We see these signs all the time, ignore them and then get upset when we find out we aren't the only one.

So here are some signs that you may not be the only one. Now here is the thing. I am going to give you this list, but honestly, many of you are going to read them and make an excuse for the guy. Why? Because you want to be with him so bad that you decide to ignore them. Ladies, you are worth so much more than that! Don't make excuses for these guys. You deserve a man that will make you the one and ONLY one. Don't settle for anything less.

1. You Never See Him on the Weekends
        -Okay Ladies. If you have never gone out with this guy on the weekend this is a major issue. This is really important because this is when we all wine down from our week at work. When people are free on the weekend the first thing you want to do is spend time with the one you care about. If you only see this guy during the week and NEVER on the weekend. That is an issue. I understand some men work on the weekends. I get that. But does he work Friday to Sunday night every single weekend? If he does, what days does he usually have off? On those days do you ever see him? Think about it.

2. You Never Spend Holidays with Each Other
         - THIS IS A BIG ONE. When you are serious about someone you will try your best to spend time with them on holidays. Why? Goes back to it's free time, a special day, and you want to spend it with that special person. Also, it's usually holidays that you meet friends or family members. If he is serious about you , this meet and greet should eventually happen. If you never see him on holidays, you may want to question who is he spending holidays with OR why you all never spend them with each other.

3. His Phone Is Always Going Off
         - Okay. So once again I understand that some people have busy jobs where their phone is there "business phone." But I want you to think about something. Does his phone go off so much that he has to turn it on silent because it gets so out of hand when you all have together? Also, pay attention to WHEN it's going off. If its business most likely its going to stop towards the evening/night. But if his phone is going off all night and the middle of the night till morning. Come on now. Who do you think that is?

4. You Haven't Met His Family nor Friends
          - When a guy is exclusively with you he is going to want to show you off to his friends and family. He is proud of what he has and wants to show off his love. If you all have been dating for a while, and you still haven't met a friend or family member, he is either juggling multiple women and doesn't want to do anything particularly special for one, or you are the side-chick and the main chick is meeting everyone.

5. No One Knows You are Exclusive but You Two
           - So you all are a Couple, but no one knows about it but you two? Now I am not saying you have to plaster it all on Facebook to be official, but what I am saying is that confession of your relationship is part of the stages of normal relationship development. That is part of the process. Why don't any of his friends know he is in a relationship? Why can't you all ever take pictures? Why doesn't his social media have any implication that he is with you nor in a relationship? I get some people are private but let's be realistic. If you two are the only one that know you are "together" then honey you all aren't "together." 

6. He Never Takes You Out
          - So every time you all hang out you are either at his place or yours. He never takes you on a date. He never takes the time out to make plans for you all. You only "chill." Whatever excuse he uses, no matter how tired he is, no matter if he is on a budget or not, a real man that is with you will sacrifice what's possible to take his woman out. Point Blank.

7. He Is Never Available When You Call or Text Him
         - Every time you call his phone he never picks up or it goes straight to voice-mail. Every time you text him he never texts back or claims he didn't get it. You only talk when he calls you and he is never available when you need him.

8. You Don't Know Where He Lives
       - Why hasn't he ever let you come to his place? Every time you all see each other he has to come to your place or either you all meet up somewhere exclusive. It's a reason he is keeping you from his place.

So as I said in the beginning, some of you will read this and make every excuse possible as to why he does these things. Ladies, go with your gut feeling. Go with your intuition! Please don't stay in a situation just because you don't want to be alone. When you really think about it, you are already alone. Ladies you deserve a committed relationship. You deserve a man who really loves you and wants to make you the one and only in his life. Wait on that. Let God bring you a man that you truly deserve. If you are in this situation please leave now. It will only get harder and harder for you to leave the longer you stay. I will do a Vlog Post soon on How to do this! Subscribe to Channel Here : https://www.youtube.com/user/ChloeMGooden

I am always here for you all! 

Whatever Encouragement you may need make sure to follow us here! 

www.chloemgooden.com

Photo Credit : Via TSB Magazine posted December 4th, 2014.

Via Strange Reasons Why You Can't Sleep Blog by Kate Ferfuson

3 Reasons Why You Won't Let Go of Your Ex

Oh the good ole exes! I truly feel we all have some form of a past partner that we can't let go of or struggling to get rid of. It can be hard though. They are familiar , comfortable and sometimes even the back up plan if it doesn't work out with the new guy. Though it may feel having them around is a great safety net, it's truly destroying you and your possibility of a future mate. We keep them around for multiple reasons, and to be honest, every reason out there doesn't justify keeping them around. Now don't get me wrong, some people have became great friends with their past partners but that can even be touchy. If you were truly in love with someone you simply can't just be there friend. So why won't we let them go? Why do we keep exes around knowing we need to move forward. Well, here are some common reasons below. Hopefully you can connect with them and see the need to make a change quick! You will never get to the man for you if you don't let go of the man behind you. You ex is your ex for a reason.

1. You Are Keeping Them as a "Just-In-Case-I-Never-Find-Someone-Better" Plan
           - This can be beyond harmful for you. In your mind you think it's better to end up with something instead of nothing at all. BIG NO NO! If you left him, or he left you, you need to keep that in  mind. Maybe you all just aren't right for each other? Maybe you will be better compatible with someone else. Either way, that's not fair to him nor you to keep them in the back burner as a back up plan. You may not realize this, but by you keeping them in the back of your mind you are messing up your longevity with a new person. How you might ask? Everytime something comes up in the "new" relationship , your tolerance will be quite low because you will have in your mind that you can run back to your ex. Also, as soon as the "new" person doesn't do something that you liked in the past partner, or you all are still learning each others likes/dislikes, you will run back to the ex out of comfort, completely forgetting why you left in the first place.

2. You Are Still Physically Involved With Them
          - Stop this IMMEDIATELY!! When you are physical with someone you are keeping a soul-tie with this person. You are connected and continuing/increasing the connection the more you are involved. I talk more about this spiritual connection in my book Not Tonight : My Worth Is Far Above Rubies if you want more info and also letting go of your ex. But it is imperative to break this tie so you can be open to other people. You cannot truly let them go if you keep reconnecting with them physically.

3. You Don't Have A Realistic View of You All's Relationship
          - Since you are lonely, you probably find yourself reminiscing on the relationship, completely forfeiting the reasons why you left. Remind yourself of why you all are exes. Remember and keep it in mind everytime you think you want to go back. Don't get distracted by the "feel good" moments that you forget you all's real issues and problems. One thing I learned in my own life, is when you go back to a past relationship, you all re-start the Honeymoon phase each time. You go into the relationship forgetting your past and you re-start the "lovey-dovey-I-cant-get-enough-of-you" phase. If you all truly are trying to make it work then be honest about the past issues and ensure that you all are making steps to work on them as adults. Ignoring them will only cause issues later. I talk more about this in my book Single to Married: Becoming Who You Are In Christ and a Better Complement as a Potential Wife if you want more info.

If you really want to find the love you truly deserve, whether that's with a new partner or learning to love yourself, you need to let the past stay in the past.

You will never get to the man for you if you don't let go of the man behind you.

 www.chloemgooden.com 

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Photo by xeeliz

Taken by February 4th, 2006

Title : Ex-Boyfriend

 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/

5 Reasons Why You Don't Have Peace In Your Life

Have you ever had an uneasy feeling that you just couldn't explain? Have you ever felt out of place or as if you are missing something? Or maybe you find yourself always having a headache or always ill? I have been there. Actually, presently I am sick at the moment because I was missing something very important to all of our lives ; Peace. This is a word that is near and dear to my heart. Why? Because I feel that having peace is one of the best gifts you can have as a human being. Peace with where God has you. Peace in any situation. Peace with where God is taking you. I feel that when you have peace you truly are encompassing a life of contentment, joy and trust in the Almighty God. Since this is so near and dear to my heart I do everything I can to eradicate anything that keeps me from having peace in my life. You should truly do the same. When you have peace in your life it helps you in your mind , body , spirit and soul. So how do we attain this peace? Most of all, how do we maintain it? Throughout my life I have come across some things that have taken away my peace, and when I was able to recognize what was causing my discord, I immediately begin to take hold of my life and eradicate anything and anyone who kept me from having peace. You should do the same! You will be surprised how much it changes your life.

 Here are 5 Reasons Why You Don't Have Peace....

1. You Are Involved in Unhealthy Relationships
        - Now this can be an intimate relationship or platonic. The people in your circle play a major role in how you live life. They can be a positive influence or a negative one. How can you tell if it's positive or negative? Easy. Do you find that after you are with them or talk to them you are better off then you were before? Are you all's conversations uplifting? Full of growth, maturity and wisdom? Do you find yourself laughing with them or always in a state of fret and worry? Are they helping you reach your goals in life or keeping you stagnant? Are they causing you harm or are they loving, caring and supportive of who you are? Are they using you? Do you feel that when you leave them you are empty and never filled?  Every life we are around is a spirit of influence. Evaluate your relationships. If they don't give you peace then they need to be eradicated or step up to your peaceful standards.

2. Disobedience
     - As the saying goes, "When you know better you do better." Being a Christian, you should know what is seen as walking righteous before God and what is not. Now God understands that we may fall occasionally, this is why we have Jesus Christ. But He never gave us a pass to continue to live in sin. Living in sin and occasionally falling into sin are two different things. When you are living in sin you are making the habitual choice to do what you know is wrong before God despite the knowledge you have about the Word of God. If you have the Holy Spirit residing in you, which being saved you do, your spirit will never rest until you make amends with God and correct your behavior. That nudge you keep feeling. That uneasiness, restless spirit you keep experiencing. That's the Holy Spirit's way of convicting you. God doesn't come to condemn but the Holy Spirit will continually nudge at you to live right before God. Why? Because that's what's best for you. If you truly have a loving relationship with God, a true intimate relationship, you will never be able to continue living in sin and be at peace.

3. Holding Out on Your Calling
       - Being in ministry work, I remember when I first felt God calling over my life. I knew something was growing inside of me and felt I was about to burst. I didn't understand it and couldn't figure out why I was so unsettled. Even when I started to figure out what it may be, I kept ignoring the call out of fear and expectation. Until I accepted the call and carried out God's great work , I was restless. This can happen to you as well when God has called you to do a great work! You know what you are called to do. You know what gifts God has called you to use. Until you do it, you will be restless because you are not walking in your God given authority and talent. Even now when I am not doing what I supposed to do, I sometimes can't rest until I do God work. Do what God has called you to do! It is the most rewarding feeling ever.

4. Worrying 
       - Whooo I know all of us can attest to this! It is so easy for us to stress over things that we cannot control. In the Word it discusses how worrying literally adds NOTHING to your life.( I suggest reading the entire section of Luke 12: 22-34.)  Luke 12:25 "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" .....worrying literally has no benefit to us. It is a waste of time, energy and commitment. You serving the God you serve should be the end of all worry. God said He will provide for you , care for you , sustain you, love you and never leave nor forsake you. If you TRULY believe that, TRULY , then you should never worry. When you find yourself in a state of worry, get in your Word and be reminded of God's promises. Everything truly does work out for our God. EVERYTHING.

5. Rest
       - Sometimes even if we are doing all of the points above we will still have some moments where we don't feel at peace. Sometimes you just simply need rest. Rest your Mind. Rest your Body. Rest your Spirit Man. Sometimes we need those moments of doing absolutely nothing for God to heal us , talk to us and restore us. Even God Himself rested so it is beyond important that we do the same. This is a good time to recollect what God has called you to do, go over the joys in your life and even have a moment of thankfulness to God for your health and strength. Even when we don't willingly rest, many times our bodies will force us to rest. This is where sickness comes to surface! So rest yourself.

Isaiah 26:3

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."

www.chloemgooden.com

4 Reasons Why You Keep Ending Up In Situationships

Why God Hasn't Answered Your Prayers

We all are asking God for something. Whether it's a new job, healing, change in our current situation or even a spouse. We all are waiting on Him to answer our prayers and are trying to figure out why we have not received an answer or what we have asked from God. Listen in on Chloe M. Gooden's message of "Why God Hasn't Answered Your Prayers", to gain insight on this topic. This message was shared on Thursday, February 26th at 8:00pm for the Anointed Sisters in Christ.

We pray it blesses you!

                Share with those who need it as well!
                                     God Bless!

  

CLICK ON LINK BELOW

    Why God Hasn't Answered Your Prayers 

Scriptures Used During Message to Follow (King James Version) :

MAIN SCRIPTURE:  Psalms 145: 15 – 19

MESSAGE SCRIPTURES:

1 Peter 3:12

Psalms 37: 4

John 14: 13-14

John 11: 22

Luke 11: 9-13

2 Timothy 2: 13

Matthew 26: 36-39

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Romans 818

Galations 6:2