New Year, New You, No Ring : The Do's & Don'ts of the Single Gal

Going into a new year is always so exciting! It's nothing like embarking on a new season of your life. It's a time to reflect on the year and all God has done for you. It's a chance to let go of your past and move forward to new beginnings. So many things to look forward to. So many possibilities. Maybe this year you will get that new job? Maybe this year you will get the home you've been wishing for? Maybe this year you'll lose that weight you've been claiming you'll lose every year before (lol). But let's be honest, we all are really wishing for that one thing.....a man! You probably were hoping for the same thing this year and it didn't happen, right? Trust me you aren't the only one with these thoughts. Every single gal has the dream of finding their mate, get married, and have a family. It's okay to feel this way. It's completely normal and you are not alone. The issue comes in when you handle these feelings incorrectly and end up in situations that could have been avoided. In this time of singleness you will go through many emotions. One minute you will be content in God's present placement of your life, then one minute you will see someone get engaged and your feelings of loneliness and envy erupt! We all have been there. But during this time there are some things you need to do and some things you definitely don't want to do.

The Do's of the Single Gal 
            - Seek out single women groups in your area who are in the same season of their lives. There is nothing like having the prayer and support of others in this time. It is truly uplifting.
            - Seek God's will and plan for your life. This time is perfect for that! You have no distractions and you are able to solely focus on God and what He has called you to do. Take advantage of this alone time with God.
            - Seek a true, intimate, dependent relationship with God. My time being single has been an easier road solely because of the God I serve. It is not always easy, trust me. But it has definitely been easier to bear because I talk to God consistently just like a best friend. I know you hear it all the time, but I'm telling you, truly put time into seeking God and He will be found.
            - Find out who you really are. Find out the things you need to work on. Find out the things you love to do. When you know who you really are then you will know the type of mate you need to have. When you meet this guy you want to be ready. Work on yourself and learn to love YOU first.

The Don'ts of the Single Gal
              - Keep exes around for those times of loneliness. BAD IDEA. Your ex is your ex for a reason and those are destructive relationships. Let them go. You don't want them to be available in times of weakness and possibly get yourself in a situation that prolongs what God has for you. I suggest my video on Before You Go Back to Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend. It is found in this blog as well.  
              - Become envious of others. Sometimes you will find yourself envying others who are attaining what you desire yet they aren't living the way God has instructed. You won't understand how they are getting what they want in their own way, yet you are being obedient and still stuck with no man. Never envy others. You don't know their struggle nor their story. Remember, at one time they were right where you are.
               - Take matters into your own hands. Don't try to force a relationship to happen or write your own love story just to get what you want. I promise, it will not be what you truly want and desire. Wait on God. He truly does write the best love stories. You trying to step in and create your own will , will always end in destruction. Just wait.
                - Give up on God. God truly does hear you and love you. He knows the desires of your heart , but most of all He knows what's best for you and what's the best timing. If it's God's will for you to be married one day, He will present you with the opportunity at the right time. Until then trust His will, timing, and plan He has for your life. He will never stop loving you, pursuing you, and being there for you. Don't give up on God because He will never give up on you.

If you want more tips and guidance in your wait, get more from my book :

Single to Married : Becoming Who You Are In Christ and a Better Complement as a Potential Wife

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE

 Also, if you need more help with praying and talking to God in this time, get the accompanying Devotional :

Single to Married Devotional: 30 Days of Transformation, Restoration, & Healing

 

 CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE

 A Great Way to Start the New Year!  

Both Books are Available at Amazon.com, Ibooks, Barnes&Noble.com & BAM.com

God Bless!

www.chloemgooden.com

chloemgooden@yahoo.com

    Photo via Flickr Creative Commons

      by KellyB -....with this ring

        https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

How to Go From Sex to No Sex in a Relationship/Dating

5 Steps to Move Forward After Falling Into Sin

We all have done it ; sin. Regardless of who you are, or where you are in your relationship with Christ, we all have fallen into the temptation to sin. Why? Because we are in the flesh and were born into sin. But because of the savior Jesus Christ, we have been saved through grace and have received forgiveness and the opportunity to repent from our sins. Thank God for His Son. But even though we have received this grace it does not give us the pass to continue in sin.

Romans 6: 1-2 

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?"

Though we have been saved through grace it does not give us the excuse to continue in sin. But do we? Of course, we do. We slip up. We make mistakes. We get sidetracked from the Word, and our relationship with Christ, and get distracted by the world and it's ways. It's normal, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. None of us our perfect. God knows that , which is why He sent us Jesus Christ. Though God has shown us grace, and is willing to wash us of our sins, we tend to still hold on to guilt and sometimes even think this is necessary to receive forgiveness. It is not. God is a God of conviction not condemnation. There is a difference. Instead of holding on to what you did from your past, take these steps to move on from your past mistakes and move forward in the life of freedom God has given you.

1. Realize That You Are Not The Only One. 

Romans 3:22-23 

 "...for there is no distinction; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..."

You are not the only one who has fallen into sin. Doesn't matter if it's a pastor, ministry leader, or a new believer, we all are in the flesh and have the same chances to fall. God knew this about His children and that's why He gave us Jesus Christ. No one is better than anyone. No one has walked on water BUT Jesus. Don't feel that you are less than because of your sin. We ALL need Christ. 

2. Accept God's Grace & Mercy

Psalm 103:12

"As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us."

God is waiting on you to ask for forgiveness and receive his grace and mercy. Don't hold on to your sin as if you cannot go to God. He is waiting to take you back in and make you clean. The enemy wants you to hold on to your sin and feel that God will never let you come back and accept you. That is a LIE. God loves you and wants you to return to Him so He can make you as white as snow. Accept His love. Accept His grace. Accept His mercy.

3. Learn From Your Past

Proverbs 19:20

"Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise."

Now that you know where your weaknesses are, learn from it. You know what gets you to the point of falling into temptation so do what you can to resist it and have a plan of action. Don't be involved with premeditated sin. Don't place yourself in situations knowing that you will most likely fall. God has given us wisdom and insight; use it.

4. God Forgives but Earth Will Continue

1 John 1:9

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" 

Understand that though God has forgiven you, consequences may still arise. If you murder someone, God forgives, but you will still go to jail right? Now God is gracious and He will still be with you through it all. Sometimes there are consequences, sometimes there aren't. But don't think that because there was a consequence that God has not forgiven you. He has. He forgave you a long time ago. But we are still on Earth.

5. Move Forward

 Isaiah 43:25

"I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more."
Don't hold on to what was done. It has happened and you can do nothing to change it. It is of your past. Learn from what occurred and forget about it. God has already forgotten your sin. Focus on your present and the life of freedom you will have in the future. God sees who you can be , not who you were.

www.chloemgooden.com

You can always contact me here:   chloemgooden@yahoo.com !

Photo from Flickr by April. 

Taken on July 9th, 2013 License

                                          Link : https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

                                                     Scriptures via New Living Translation

Before You Go Back To Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend : 4 Thinks to Ask ...

The Struggles of Sex and The Celibate , Dating Christian : 3 Things to Remember

Friday night, right? You are at home while everyone else is out dating or booed up with their significant other. You keep wondering when you will meet a great guy. A guy who is saved, and okay with you being celibate. A guy who wants the same things you do. It's frustrating.  Frustrating when you are trying to live right, yet it doesn't feel you are reaping the benefits. You look around and see others dating the way the "world" accepts, and it seems they are reaping the benefits. Getting married, having a family, and loving life! Being celibate is tough, and when you are in this world, it will seem that everything you are doing is worthless and the world's way is much better than God's way. But do not be deceived my child, God's way is always better.

Psalm 37 : 1-6 

"Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun."

1. The Ways of the World Will Seem Right

       - It will seem that you are missing out on the "fun" life. But you have no idea of what's going on behind closed doors. Every decision has a cost. At the moment, it will seem you are holding yourself back from what you deserve, but in the end you will reap your reward. You will reap what you truly deserve and it will come with no burdens or sorrows.

2. Pick up Your Cross and Follow God

        - I love singing the song "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus." Many people know it, and sing it proudly at church. But sometimes we don't realize what that truly means in our lives. We all will have our different crosses to bear. When it comes to being celibate, your cross will be forfeiting your fleshly desires to follow God and remain faithful to His Word. When you keep going from guy to guy that rejects you because you are celibate. When you keep ending up alone and without a date. Are you willing to pick up your cross and continue to follow God? Are you willing to truly live out the words, "The Cross before me, the world behind me...no turning back. No turning back." Live out what you sing out at church.

3. Freaky Thinks but NO SEX

        - In the time of bearing your cross, you will find yourself trying to prance around the idea of sex. You will try to do everything BUT sex and find every reason possible to justify what you are doing. Guess what muffin? That is wrong to do as well. I have been there. I have done this myself. I was a virgin and tried tip toeing around sex and did everything else. Do not be deceived. This is a sin as well, and it will ultimately lead you into having sex; which it did for me. This is a trick the enemy tries to use with us. He is a sneaky rascal. He will place in your mind that you are not doing anything wrong and that it's okay as long as you don't have actual intercourse. Ignore the enemy and listen to the Holy Spirit residing in you!

I know this life is hard. I know that is a hard cross to bear. But your faithfulness will truly be rewarded. Will it be rewarded with a man? I can't promise you that. But what I can promise, is that you will be honored by your God and receive the crown of glory. Don't look for earthly rewards, look to God to earn eternal rewards. THOSE are the only rewards that matter.

Romans 8 : 18

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

If you need more encouragement and tips on living the celibate life, get my book :

Not Tonight : My Worth Is Far Above Rubies 

PURCHASE HERE

 

Available on Amazon.com, Barnes& Noble.com, Ibooks, & BooksAMillion.com 

As always , if you have any questions, or need some encouragement, you can always email me at chloemgooden@yahoo.com

www.chloemgooden.com

God Bless! 

Photo Credit : 

By Jean Koulev taken on November 10, 2009

on Flickr 

Creative Commons License : https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

 

5 Steps to Online Dating : Should I or Shouldn't I ?

So you are single, right? Date after date. Mishap after mishap. You start to wonder if it will ever happen. So one day, while you're talking to a friend about your dating woes, they say, "Why don't you try online dating?" You respond immediately, "No! I'm not that desperate." I think we have all been here. From Match.com to EHarmony, you see online dating everywhere, and I think everyone at some point has thought about it. Well, being a Christian, sometimes people shun upon it for several reasons, but I am not here to go over that. Everyone has their opinions on what's right or wrong and I am not going to even get into that debate. But what I do want to do is give you some tips when it comes to Online Dating for those who choose to do so. I personally have done Online Dating and have met some great people and even have attained some great friends. Do I think it's desperate? No. Do I think it is for everyone? No. I think you truly have to know yourself and decide what is best for you. If you decide that it is, I hope these tips will help you.

1. Choose the Right Site
            - All sites are not for everyone. They have free sites, and they have sites that you have to pay for. You decide what is best for you. Regardless, make sure it is a site that is safe and has some form of a matching system. In other words, a site that just won't match you with anyone and anybody. You need a site that will actually look at your interests and attributes and match you with someone that will complement who you are.

2. Don't Share Too Much Information
             - Post pictures of you and only you. Don't add pictures with family members, friends, or locations that share too much information about you. Such as pictures of you at your job, or an obvious location that can only be found in certain areas. Keep it limited. Purely share information about your personality, interest, and what you are looking for. Now the site will automatically share your general location, but keep it there. Don't give out your number until you feel comfortable. That includes connecting with them on Social Media sites. Wait on that. You don't want to share your daily whereabouts to quick.

3. Don't Hide Your Beliefs.
            - Don't hide your faith in God in fear that it will deter possible dates. Also, don't hide if you are celibate. It is best to be honest about who you are upfront. You only want to attract those that are like minded and have the same beliefs as you do.

4. Keep The Same Rules of Regular Dating to Online Dating.
            - Don't forget your rules for dating just because you are online. Keep the same expectations. Still pray to God for discernment on a prospective date. Still let them pursue you. I have previous blog posts below with tips on dating. I also give some in my books , Not Tonight : My Worth Is Far Above Rubies & Single to Married : Becoming Who You Are In Christ and a Better Complement as a Potential Wife.

5. BE SAFE!!
               - Always meet your date during the day and in a public place.
               - Let someone know where you are going, what your date looks like , and any other possible information you feel is necessary if something occurs.
               - For the first call, use the service that blocks your personal information. 
               - Don't fall for dating scams. Here is a link on common dating scams :   http://www.onlinedatingsafetytips.com/Top10Scams.cfm

It's okay if you decide to do Online Dating, as long as you do it the right way!

God Bless!

As always , if you have any questions, or need some encouragement, you can always email me at chloemgooden@yahoo.com

www.chloemgooden.com

God Bless!

Photo Credit : Camdiluv

Taken on February 4th, 2010

via Flickr 

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Tips to Get Over a Break Up or Divorce

Breaking the Fears of Being Called to Ministry

Being in the life of ministry, we can all probably remember the first time we felt the yearning to fulfill a life of ministry. It’s a desire inside of us that won’t let us rest and grows stronger and stronger each day. It’s a fire that continues to burn within us, and continues to build and build as if we are about to burst. Then one day, we sit down and decide, “God I will stop fighting this. I will stop being in fear. I will accept your call.” I think that we all have been there and can probably remember the day when we decided to walk in God’s calling for our lives. I still remember mine.  I also remember the fear that came inside of me as well.

Usually our fears tie into the expectations we think will come with the life of ministry and if we will truly be able to fulfill them. When we think of ministry, we think of our pastor. We think of major leaders in our church, community, and television ministries.  We see the expectations on them by others and the responsibilities they have as a Shepherd of God’s sheep. We see the big picture and think, “There is no way I can do all of that God. There is no way I can be a person of leadership in that capacity.” We immediately compare our lives to others and assume we could never pick up the task. Well, you are absolutely right. You can never be that person you are seeing. Why? Because that is their calling and not yours. God has a specific calling over your life and a plan made just for you. He didn’t call you to be this or that pastor. He didn’t call you to go to the capacity of others you see around you. He called you to be YOU. Being fearful of the call to ministry can come in many forms but they are generally in the same context. There are some common fears and some ways to combat those fears. God has placed a yearning inside of you. A plan that you and only you can fulfill. Don’t let your fears stop you from what He has called you to do!

1.       Break All Comparisons

Jeremiah 1:5

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”

Don’t look at other’s plans or journeys and compare. Your journey will be different. Your calling will be different. Your timetable may be different as well. He has an appointed message and ministry in us all and He doesn’t need us all doing the same things. He has made you unique and needs you to fulfill your unique calling. When you begin to compare others callings to your own, and begin to envy, you are belittling your own calling as if it is not sufficient enough. Your calling has a specific purpose and the need is out there. Don’t forsake your calling trying to be like others

2.       Don’t Let Your Gender, Age, Race, or Marital Status Stop You

Romans 15:7

“Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.”

Being a single, African-American woman, it’s easy for me to shy away from the life of ministry because you rarely see single, African-American women in leadership ministry roles. If you truly look at the ministry world, women in ministry are usually pastor’s wives, or in vocational roles such as administrative, children-related, or events coordination. You rarely see women in pastoral positions. Not only is this lack of minority presence accounted for in African-American community, but all races of women, as well as those that are single or of a young age. Don’t let your diversity stop you! If you fall into any of the minority categories in the pastoral field, this should be the one thing that actually pushes you to fulfill your calling! It is a gap that needs to be filled. Don’t let the lack of your kind put you in fear, but let it push you to break the mold and minister. There is someone out there looking to be encouraged by someone just like you!

3.       Don’t Let the Fear of Perfection Stop You

Romans 3: 23-24

“…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

Being in any leadership role comes with the responsibility of being a light to others. Though God has called us all to be a light to the world, there is a different expectation that seems to arise when you are placed in a leadership position of his sheep. Don’t let this put you in fear of leading in ministry. We all have fallen short of His glory and none of us our perfect. Think about the major ministry leaders in the world today. Have there not been many who have fallen in the walk of Christ? We are not perfect, but we are all striving for perfection. To be made perfect in Christ. Know that you are going to make mistakes. Know that you are going to have moment of struggles, trials, and temptations. That is okay. God will cover you in them all and use it for His glory and ministry. Remember, there is no temptation that isn’t common to man that has not been overcome with God. God is forever faithful and will provide a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13).

“Be Enlightened by His Word and Encouraged by His Promises”

-Chloe M. Gooden

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Healing & Letting Go of the Past

5 Reasons Why He Can't Commit To You

Will you marry me? Can we make this official? I want to be with you and only you. These are phrases we hope to hear from a one true love one day in our lifetime. It's the reason why we date. It's the reason why we get up everyday and put on our best make-up and attire. The one thing we hope to attain but sometimes feel it is impossible ; commitment from a man. As women, we seem to think we know immediately who we want to be with and are anxious to get in a relationship to feel wanted, accepted, and cherished. As soon as we begin to date a potential mate, we immediately think towards the future and try to figure out what we have to do to go from dating to a potential marriage. But men aren't built this way. Though some desire commitment just as women do, they take their time to make this decision and are wired to ensure they are making the right decision. As women, we go off of our feelings and are naturally loyal. No matter what is going on in our lives we feel we can make time to be in a relationship. But men aren't this easily swayed into a relationship. Every man has their different reasonings behind why they don't want a relationship. Some are legit, while others are just excuses. But for those who truly have a good heart, and want to do the right thing, they sometimes avoid commitment simply to save you.

1 Corinthians 13:4

"Love is patient, love is kind....."

1. He Doesn't Know Who He Is

In relationships men are expected to be the leader; the provider. In the world they are expected to be confident, mature, and have a lot of pressure to conform to society's expectations. Many guys are trying to figure out who they are and also who they desire to be. They are unsure of what life they want to create and don't want to involve a woman in this process. Why? Because he doesn't want to lock someone down, and he isn't even sure if you are what he wants long term. How can he know if you are the one for him if he is unsure of who he is? Let him find out who he is and be patient. You would rather commit to someone who is secure in who he is so you can be secure in the relationship.

2. How Can He Be Something He Has Never Seen?

A man can only be taught how to be a man, by a man. Point blank. Regardless of what  the mother does, he will still need some type of father figure in his life to teach him how to be a man. If this man is fatherless he is still trying to figure out what it means to be a man, husband, and father. He may have never seen a committed relationship in the home, therefore he doesn't value it as much as someone who may have seen it. This is hard for a male because they may truly desire a relationship with someone but have no idea what a "healthy" relationship looks like. If he is struggling with this, don't try and force him to be in something that he isn't ready for. Be patient. Be his friend. Let him find a male figure in his life that can guide him on what it truly means to be a committed spouse.

3. He Simply Isn't Ready

I know this phrase is hard for women to hear because we just don't understand why someone cannot be ready to be in a relationship. In our minds it is simple. We love each other. We enjoy each others company. Why not be in a relationship? Well I hate to tell you this, but if the man is telling you he is not ready...BELIEVE HIM. He knows himself better than you do and knows what he is dealing with internally. He may not be ready because he knows he is not ready to be faithful. He may not be ready because of the two reasons I stated above. Whatever the reason may be, accept it and make your decision on what you need to do for yourself. Many guys try to spare a woman's feelings by simply being honest, but then we convince ourselves we can change their minds and get deeper into our loyalty and end up hurt. Trust what he is saying. If he isn't ready....then he isn't ready.

4. You Aren't The One For Him

Ladies, I know it's hard to be rejected, but understand that every guy you meet is just not the guy for you and you aren't the woman for him.  But guess what? That is OK. When a man decides you aren't the one for him that does not change your value one bit. You are still beautiful. You are still a gem. You are still desirable. If he doesn't see you as the one for him then move on and make yourself available to the one who DOES see you as the one for him. One thing that is great about this present guy is that he was honest. Many men do not do this, so value his honesty and be glad he saved you from months of heartache.

5. God's Purpose Is Not Yours

Every man that we meet is not our potential husband. Some men will simply be a divine meeting set up by God. Whether it's to pray for him, or to gain a faithful friend, be open to God's purpose in mind and not your own. As women, we tend to miss good friendships due to are anxiousness to force a relationship. When you meet a male go to God and ask Him what His purpose is for you all's meeting. I have met many males that simply became great friendships or a moment for me to sow a seed into their lives. God has even used me in the past to be apart of a man's walk to finding Christ. Be open to God's will and pray to God..."Lord, I pray that this relationship isn't any more or less than what you desire it to be." I pray this simple prayer every time I come in contact with a male, and truly believe this has kept my desires out of the way and put God's in the forefront.

I know you want love. I know you want commitment. Ladies, trust God to give you your desires and don't force it yourselves. Anytime we try to force our own will, it is bound for destruction. Everything is beautiful in its time and God's timing is perfect.

 Ecclesiastes 3:11

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

For more tips on dating, relationships, and marriage get me new book! Also, pick up the devotional to transform into the woman God has called you to be!

Available on Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble.com, & Ibooks!
( Kindle/Ibooks/Itunes/Nook)
You can also purchase them directly from me!
Simply email me at chloemgooden@yahoo.com

Single to Married : Becoming Who You Are In Christ and a Better Complement as a Potential Wife

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 Single to Married Devotional: 30 Days of Transformation, Restoration, and Healing

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Chloe M. Gooden

Blog Photo Credit to Love of My Life-Freddie Mercury-Queen from Flickr. Taken August 9th, 2011

3 Reasons Why You Cant Forgive , Heal and Let Go

Why Forgive? They were wrong for what they did to you and they deserve to never receive your forgiveness, right? You would never do what they did to you and would never treat someone so cold, right? Many of us feel this way. We have all been hurt by someone. We have all been left abandoned by someone. No matter what action took place, we have all experienced hurt , or an offense, from someone else. We all are carrying burdens, bitterness and anger that we just can't seem to let go. Its a horrible feeling and something we all have a hard time of letting go. Sadly, the more and more we hold on to it, the more trapped we become. We are not free. Why don't we forgive and why do we feel justified to not forgive others?

Matthew 6:14

 "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."

1. We Feel Our Unforgiveness Is Justified

Whatever they may have done, you felt it was inexcusable, unexplainable, and should not be tolerated. They were wrong, and you just can't see yourself being able to let go of such an horrible offense. But have we not all fallen short of the glory of God?

Romans 3:23
"For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God's glorious standard."

All of us have sinned, and that includes offending or hurting someone. We make mistakes. We say things we don't mean. We do things with selfish motives. We ALL have done it. Yet, when things are done to us we are astonished and deem what they have done as unforgivable. But God does not see it that way. Think about this. What if God treated us, the way we treat others, when they have done something wrong? If  when we hurt God, he turned His face and decided, "I cannot forgive her, it is done." But He doesn't. Regardless of what we do, or how many times we do it, He ALWAYS forgives. Why? Because He shows us grace and mercy. Because He loves us. Yet when we are offended we don't do the same. We feel what they did was unforgivable and they should never be shown grace or love. Yet God forgives us every single day. What makes us any different from them? Nothing. They are human beings just like we are. Just like us; needing God's grace, love and mercy. 

Luke 6:31
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

2. We Think That Forgiveness Means Reconciliation 

When we think of forgiving the person that has hurt us , we find it hard to do so because we can't imagine speaking to them, being friends, or reconciling any type of relationship with someone of that nature. We refuse to be in contact with them and afraid of them hurting us again. But guess what? Just because you forgive them does not mean you have to reconcile the relationship. Reconciliation is not guaranteed with forgiveness. That is your choice. God has given us wisdom and expects us to use it from one situation to the next. You may find yourself forgiving someone, but they haven't changed one bit. They are still doing the same thing they did when they offended you. Hard , right? But Jesus did it.

Romans 5: 8
 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

While we were STILL in sin, God forgave us and died on the cross for our sins. That is pure amazement and takes so much love, grace and mercy. You can do the same. Forgive them, regardless of what they are doing presently. Realize that it is not them , but the spirit in them that is hurting others. Hate the enemy, but not them. But realize, unless they have changed their ways, it is not your duty to restore you all's relationship.

 For reconciliation to occur, they need to show an effort of change and for change. Just like God forgives us, He not only expects us to ask for forgiveness, but He expects us to repent as well. There is a difference. When we ask for forgiveness, we are asking for God's grace, love, and patience to forget our offense and forgive our transgressions. While asking for forgiveness, we also have to make the decision to repent. When we repent, we are vowing to change our ways so we can be reconciled with God and restore our relationship that was tainted by sin. Just like God requires change, we can require change as well for reconciliation. God does not want you to remain around someone that is continuously hurting you, with no intentions of changing, but He DOES require you to forgive. He cannot forgive us if we do not forgive others.

3. We Are Still Hurting 

Whatever hurt they may have caused, it can sometimes still resonate in us years after the offense. It still hurts thinking about how much they did to us. It still affects are present relationships and trusting others. We still find ourselves going over and over the offense in our minds. We haven't let go of what they have done. We haven't healed from the past. The key to healing is forgiveness. When we forgive the person for what they have done, we are also releasing the anger and bitterness we have towards them. We realize that it is not them, but the enemy working in them, that has caused their actions. We realize that it is our past and that God has created us into NEW beings and can heal all of our wounds. We let go of the offense and step into freedom. The only way you can truly heal is to ask God to heal you. But with that, you have to make the choice to forgive and not think on the past any longer. 

Isaih 43: 18-19
"Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.… "

When we constantly hold on to our pasts, we can never receive the blessings God has in store for us. We are so caught up on our pain that we can't seek healing from our Father. Let Go. When we release all that has been done we attain a sense of freedom. A sense of a new purpose. A new life. Will it take time? Yes. Will it hurt releasing the hurt from all those years? Yes. Will we ever heal , let go and be restored by God? Yes. 

Become free in your life. God has so  much in store for you and He wants you to let go of your hurt. He wants you to have joy and receive the blessed life He has in store for you. Forgive.

~Prayer ~

"God, I cant even begin to explain all of the hurt I am feeling that (Insert Name) has done to me. I was betrayed. I was abandoned. I was lied to, and mistreated, in ways I could never imagine. Lord please heal and restore me. Help me to forgive (Insert Name) for what they have done. Lord, I want to love and show grace just like you do towards me. Show me how to forgive and be free from this life of bitterness and anger. I want to have joy; real joy. Be with me Father. I know you hear me, for your Word says that we can cast our cares on you for you care for us and will sustain us. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for healing me. In Jesus Name. Amen"

For Encouragement, Prayer, or Advice, Message Me on Facebook @

Chloe M. Gooden

Want to receive more prayers in your walk of restoration and healing ? Get my new book coming out June 25th, 2014 on Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com.

 Single to Married Devotional : 30 Days of Transformation, Restoration, and Healing

 

5 Reasons Why You're Still Single

Single and Waiting. Pretty sure this is something you hear often in the single life. You probably don't pay so much attention to the word Single,  but more so the word  Waiting. Seems like you've been waiting forever right? Many singles feel the same way. They are questioning God just like you are and hoping that they will wake up, walk outside, and their prince will arrive at their doorstep saved, sanctified, and ready to propose! But reality is many women are still waiting, and some have even lost hope on a mate finding them. So why such a long wait? Why hasn't God brought you your spouse? Though there could be specific reasons to each of you individually , I am going to give you 5 reasons why you are probably still waiting. Don't be discouraged. God sees and hears your every need. Just because He hasn't answered your prayers, doesn't mean He isn't there.

5 Reasons Why You're Still Single

1. Intentions
2. Free Will
3. God's Plan
4. Testing of Faith
5. Jealous God

Intentions

In Genesis God saw that Adam was alone and he gave him Eve. He didn't want him to be alone and felt it was good to bring Adam a helpmate. Just like He saw Adam's needs, He sees yours as well. He hears you asking for a mate. He knows you long for companionship. But have you ever stopped and really wrote down why you desire a spouse? Read my Blog Post on : 5 Reasons Why Single Women Want A Man. Make sure that you are not looking for a spouse to fulfill needs that should be fulfilled by God. Also, do you want a spouse just because you are frustrated sexually? Or maybe you want a spouse because you want the ring and a wedding? Maybe you think a spouse coming into your life will resolve some issues in your life? Do you want a spouse to have someone take care of you? Whatever your intentions may be , make sure they are pure and of good reasoning. God knows our hearts. He knows exactly why you want a mate and if that is what's best for you. Take your reasoning to court with God and ask Him to reveal your heart and motives.

James 4:3 

"When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

Free Will

Over and over again you hear people telling you that God will bring you a mate, or God has picked someone specifically for you. I have even heard people say that you and your spouse were made for each other in your mother's wombs, as if God picked you all to be together as He formed you. Something you have to remember is that God has given us FREE WILL. God does not make us love each other nor does He make us love Him ; He gives us the choice. He cannot make someone fall in love with you. Now what God can do is place you in the presence of a Godly man. In the Bible when God paired others together he brought them in the presence of each other, but he didnt make them fall in love. When Boaz met Ruth he admired her and Ruth presented herself to Boaz. Boaz made the decision to accept Ruth, take her as his own, and marry her. God loves you and He does want the best for you. He can orchestrate the best possible scenario for you and a man to meet, but you both have to make the choice to love each other. That's whats so amazing about God. He wants to give you your desires. He wants to make you happy. He will do what He can on His part to bring you those desires, but when it comes to our hearts, He cannot control. Its not that He is incapable of doing so, for God is all powerful. But He gives us choices. If God wanted to force us to love, He would make us love Him. But He doesnt want that. He wants us to love Him FREELY. Don't you want the same from your future spouse?

Deuteronomy 30:19

 "This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live"

God Has A Plan

God always has an ultimate plan for our lives. He gives us a choice to accept His, or try and seek our own way. Of course, His plan is best. The calling He has over your life has a specific purpose on this Earth and He will guide your every footstep along the way. Sometimes in that plan, finding a spouse is nowhere in the plan, or years down the line. He knows you better than you know yourself and He knows when it's the best time to place a mate in your life. You may not be ready yet to have a spouse. Maybe it will be a distraction? Maybe He has a purpose for you to fulfill before you meet someone? Regardless of what the plan may be, are you willing to accept His plan over yours? Seek God and ask Him to show you His will for your life in this season. Ask Him to help you accept His will and trust that He knows what is best for you. Don't worry, He will make sure to carry you through the entire process. He will never give His children anything they cannot bear without His strength, support, and love.

Provers 19:21

"Many plans in the man's mind, but God's will stand"

The Testing of Your Faith

When you ask for anything from God there is always a period of waiting. Waiting on God is a struggle for so many people. We are so used to having quick access to the pleasures of this world and it has made it a struggle for us to wait on fulfillment. Though there are changes in this Earth, God never changes. He still requires us to wait, just as He did of those in the Bible. God has us wait for multiple reasons:

1. The testing of our Faith.

2. To build our Character.

3. To teach us to Perservere

4. To teach us Patience.

5. To remind us of the character of God. 

James 1:2-4

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Jealous God

God wants you to love Him above all other people and things. You are here for His purpose and His glory. He wants your total love and dedication to Him. He knows why you want a spouse, and also if bringing a spouse in your life will distract you. He wants to know that your love for Him won't dwindle because a man has entered your life. Many single women will seek God wholeheartedly for the sole purpose of God blessing them with a spouse. Everything they do is with a purpose of finding a man. They serve the community in hopes that a man will see their efforts and think highly of them. They sing in the choir solely because the director is attractive and they hope to grab their attention. The schemes are limitless. Know that God sees this and will not bless efforts that are not pure. He wants you to seek Him because you love Him. He wants you to show love to others because you love Him. He wants you to serve others because you love Him. Just like you wouldn't want someone to do things for you just to get something, God doesn't want that treatment either. He wants your love for Him to be pure, not expecting anything but love in return.

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Interview with Inspiration for A Lifetime : Ladies Know Your Worth

This week I interviewed with Inspiration for A Lifetime to discuss
 Ladies Knowing Their Worth!

Listen in as we discuss Knowing Your Worth in Christ, Celibacy and Dating, Letting Christ Fill the Void and more! Was so awesome to be on Blog Talk Radio with Inspiration for a Lifetime! Such a blessing! Pray it truly Ministers! First 5 Minutes are music, so if not your thing, you can skip over!

CLICK ON LINK BELOW TO LISTEN TO "LADIES KNOW YOUR WORTH" 

Ladies Know Your Worth 04/23 by mslildesi | Self Help Podcasts

From the Interviewee, Desiree :

 "I have Chloe Gooden author of "Not Tonight: My Worth is Far Above Rubies" coming on to talk to the ladies about knowing worth. I am grateful to have her on the show and shed some insight on this important topic. So many young girls and women do not know their worth. For years I hated myself and saw myself way lower than how God created and sees me. Thank God for deliverance out of the years of a never ending black hole I found myself in due to compromising, being depressed, being angry, and all the things that led me to destruction. On my road to knowing my worth and drawing closer to God, this topic couldn't have come at a perfect time.
The way we dress, talk, think, who we date, the decisions we make, etc. all display how we truly see ourselves. Sometimes certain actions are confused with high self esteem or the thrill of enjoying life, but God expects more from the women he beautifully and wonderfully made. How can a lady know her worth? What situations should she avoid and which ones should be embrace? What does a woman walking in the flesh look like versus a woman walking in the spirit? It's not about what you feel you deserve or the pedestal of pride promoted in an individualistic society. It's about what God has in store for you and not settling for anything lower than that. Not self esteem, but God esteem. "

Connect with Inspiration for A Lifetime!

  "Inspiration for a Lifetime" Wednesdays at 11 PM EST on Blog Talk Radio!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/mslildesi  

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5 Reasons Why Single Women Want A Man

Finding a man seems to be the main focus of a single woman. We aspire to have many things, but our FOCUS seems to be mostly on having a man pursue, love, and commit to us. Each day we hope a man will sweep us off our feet and our romantic fairytale begin! Just thinking about it makes us smile. Though there is nothing wrong with wanting companionship in our lives, sometimes our reasoning behind this desire can be wrong and sometimes idolized. Why?

 Because we think a man will.........

1.  Bring us Happiness.
2. Fill a Void.
3. Make us feel Accepted and Approved.
4. Cure Loneliness.
5. Heal Past Hurts & Broken Hearts. 

These are probably the most common 5 things women think will occur when they meet a man, but I am sure there are plenty more. There is something going on internally within us all that we think a man will fix, but in actuality, only God can fix it. God is the only person that can heal you, bring you joy, accept you, and will never leave you. But too often we look to a man to do this. This ultimately puts too much pressure on a man and you become dependent on him to keep you whole in these areas. But you can be whole in God before any man enters your life. To be honest with you, this is exactly what God desires. He wants you to be complete in HIM, so that when He brings a man into your life, you won't put him before your relationship with God.

God will....

1. Give you Joy that's everlasting.

1 Peter 1: 8-9

"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,  for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

 2. Fill any void in your life. Just simply ask Him.

Psalm 55:22

" Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken."

God has...

3. Accepted  and approved you the minute you were formed in the womb.

Psalm 139: 13-14

"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..."

God is...

 4. ALWAYS with you. You are never alone.

Deuteronomy 31:6

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

5. Your Healer. You can only be made whole and complete through Him.

Psalm 147:3

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

"Don't pine for a man. Pine for more of God."

Need Advice , Prayer, or Support? Email Me Here!

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The Single, Independent Woman, Common Mistakes

Being a single woman can be riveting , but also extremely challenging. We are taught to fend for ourselves, but at the same time reminded to still be a lady. We are told to know how to change a tire, pay our bills, and that we don't need a man to start living a fulfilled life. We have taken hold of the single life, but at the same time, many of us desire to get married and have our long awaited King take his Queen. But the Queen has been in the castle by herself for so long that she has forgotten how to make room for her King. We have become accustomed to the single life and have been deemed independent. Oh, don't we just love that word! During this time of being single, we have become so dependent on ourselves that we find it hard to adjust when a man enters our lives and we try to still keep the control. We try to keep control of our lives, the relationship, and our mate. We have a hard time letting go of the Independent title and make some common mistakes that cause men to feel as if we don't need them. Well here are some quick Do's and Don'ts for the single women who desire to one day be a potential wife, and also for those who are presently on their way to becoming a wife.

This is a Sneak Peak of my book Single to Married!

DO'S AND DON'T S

•  Do not pursue the man or the relationship. Let him lead. If you start pursuing and leading now, you will ALWAYS lead. Step back and let a man be a man.

•   Do not belittle him. Yes, you may have more degrees than him. Yes, you may even know more than he does. But is it worth hurting his pride? No.

•  Do not embarrass him in public. Many women tend to correct their spouses, argue, and confront them in front of others. This is a big no no. Even if he is wrong about something, wait until you all are private and bring it up.

•  Do not talk to him as if he is a child. You are not his mother, you are his wife.

•   Do not bring up past issues or forgiven actions. You said you forgave him, so don’t bring it up. Constantly reminding him of his wrongdoings will slowly break down the relationship.

• Don’t push him to change. That is God’s job. Bring up your concerns , but afterwards, pray and leave the rest up to God.                         

• Let him be a gentleman. Too often men try to open doors for us, or carry our things, and we say, “Oh, I got it.” Don’t do that. Let him take care of you. 

• Give him time to take care of what you have asked of him. Nagging doesn’t make him move faster, trust  me on this! 

•   Show him respect in your speech and actions. Men often reveal that they don't feel respected by their spouses.

• Be loving, supportive, encouraging, and his best friend. Men truly just want support and want to feel their mate has their back.

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