4 Reasons Why You're Still Single : Part 2

So you are single? I am assuming you are or you wouldn't be looking at this blog post. It sucks, right? You figured by this age you would be married or ATLEAST in a relationship. You see friends getting engaged, married and starting a family, yet, you can't even get a date for the weekend. It's frustrating, very frustrating. Trust me, I get it. I have been in relationships, married, divorced and BACK in the dating field. It's no fun. You think to yourself, "Geesh. All I want is a good man in my life and to have the simple things like love, marriage and family. Why is it so hard?" That's a great question. Why IS it so hard? There are a plethora of answers I could give on why you are single, just even statistically. For instance, for African American Women there are 8 black women to every 1 black man. ONE! Now that's just one statistic. I don't even want to get started on the others. Though there are surrounding reasons on why you are single, and a ton of evidence to prove it's due to external causes, the truth of the matter is you may be single because of YOU. I know that's hard to take in. I know that's hard to accept. But this is something I had to accept for myself as well. Now understand that yes, there are other reasons you could be single such as God's timing, God's purpose, etc. I go over these reasons in Part 1 of the blog 5 Reasons You're Still Single. If you would like to read it, here is the link: http://chloemgooden.blogspot.com/2014/05/5-reasons-why-youre-still-single.html. But right now we are going to focus on YOU. Nobody likes to hear that they are the cause of their problems. Now I am not saying being single is a "problem", but it is a desire of yours to be with someone and it is something holding you back from attaining that desire. Well, through my own experience and others, I have placed together just a starting four reasons why you are probably still single. There are a ton more. But I am going to start off with these four. As you read them I hope you understand that I am in no way judging or trying to point fingers. I just want to help you just as these insights have helped me. Sometimes we are the own solution to our problems. You can either accept that and change, or either keep fighting against the truth and remain exactly where you are today; Single. So here we go............

1. You Keep Attracting the Wrong Guys
          - Okay, so you may see this headline and think, "Well, duh Chloe. That's why I am single in the first place." Exactly. What made me sit down and really change my perception on my choices was when I realized that I kept picking guys who had similar issues and attributes that were not good dating choices. I would get angry when the same thing would happen over and over with different guys and it made me sit back and think, "Wait, how is it I date different guys yet they all have the same issues?" Because there is something in me that is attracting certain males. For instance, if you find yourself constantly attracting liars, why is that? If you find yourself constantly attracting manipulators, why is that? There is something going on with you internally that you keep attracting them. Are you attracting liars because you want a man in your life so bad that you ignore obvious signs of deceit? Or maybe you keep attracting guys who use you because you give yourself to easily/readily and feel you have to do so to keep a man? Whatever it is you are attracting, do a personal inventory and ask yourself what is going on with you internally that you keep allowing yourself to be involved with these type ofmen. Are there insecurities going on with you? Was there someone in your family that exuded these characteristics and you SWORE you would never date a man like that? Sit back. Journal. Figure out what is going on and change your outcome.

2. You Date Unavailable Men
            - Now you would think this would be an obvious stay away characteristic, but many of us have done this in some form or fashion. Whether the guy was unavailable emotionally, married, in a relationship, engaged, still involved with his ex, still involved with his baby mama, whatever it may be, they are involved! Sometimes we see they are involved but get blinded by their charm, attention and promises of leaving their present significant other. They give us hope that we are the one for them and they just need time to get out of the situation. If a man is unavailable, he is UNAVAILABLE, point blank. Don't get involved with a man unless he is SINGLE. COMPLETELY SINGLE. Don't let your need to have attention or companionship get you involved with someone who cannot make you a priority. You deserve to be a priority. You deserve to be the only one. You deserve a real, committed, loving relationship. Don't settle for less than that.  If you want more tips on this topic, watch my Youtube Post "The Unavailable Man: 5 Men You Don't Want to Date"  here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHQ6DglkStg

3. You Haven't Healed From Your Past
               - Okay, so this is a biggie! All of us have a past that is affecting us today. Whether it's a past heartbreak, abuse and/or hurt that we haven't dealt with, it all can affect us in our relationships. When we are not healed we will continue to attract broken people as well. Those past hurts and pains caused wounds for us, they are still open and we aren't doing anything about it. It's like walking around with a broken leg and never going to the doctor to get it fixed! You keep walking around saying, "It's okay, it's okay"...but you are limping. You are broken. You are in pain. But you continue to try and keep moving forward as if it's not there. Sounds crazy right? But it is the same thing with this past hurt you have not dealt with. Someone in your past may have sexually abused you. Someone in your past may have abused you emotionally or physically. Someone in your past may have cheated and lied to you. Or maybe you never received real security and love at home and you are searching for it from a man? Whatever the hurt may be, you need to deal with it, heal and transform into a healthy and whole woman of God. When you are healed and whole you can attract a healed and whole person. How can you heal? Multiple ways. Ask God to Heal you and reveal the pains in your heart and past that you have not dealt with. Attain counseling or become involved in a group of support and encouragement. Talk to someone you can trust that can walk you through the process and deal with your past. I created a group for Single Women who need healing from past hurts, pains, recent break ups, let go of past partners, or want to stop negative patterns that keep them from attaining the love they deserve. If you want to join, simply click here and I will add you : https://www.facebook.com/groups/1664544490444259/

4. You Don't Really Believe You Can Get a Man
             - I know this is a tough statement to take in, but sadly, many of us internally really don't believe we can get a man. Why? For multiple reasons. Some may feel they can't get a man because they aren't attractive enough. Some may feel they can't because they don't really believe they deserve to be loved. While others believe thee just aren't any good men out there anymore. How many times have you heard or said that yourself? As much as we want a relationship, deep down, some of us truly don't believe we can have it and we speak it over ourselves daily. Whether you believe there aren't any good men out there, or you continuously say, "I'll never get married," to attain pity, you are speaking those things, therefore, you believe it and it will continue to manifest because your actions will coincide with your speech/belief. If you truly want to attain love then speak positivity over the situation. Rejoice when you see others attain love, because you know that gives you even more hope that yours will come one day as well. Tell yourself everyday that you deserve love and when the time is right you will have it. Be positive, positive, positive! Envision yourself having your hopes and desires. When you believe it in your heart then your actions will follow and it will manifest in it's time.

I said in the beginning, this is just a small number of reasons why you are probably still single. There are plenty more, but I will touch more on that in my book coming out soon! I truly do want you to have the love you so much desire, but you truly have to take ownership of some changes you need to make within yourself that may be preventing this love. I suggest that you join the Rubies Healing & Letting Go group on Facebook if you want to take steps to get closer to your desires. It's free of course! =) Everything I do is to help! We have already started meeting each other and expressing our desires. We will be starting next Sunday on a weekly journey of Healing, Letting Go and Attaining the Love We Deserve! Click the Link Here to Join: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1664544490444259/ !

Always Praying for You!

Love,

Chloe M. Gooden

www.chloemgooden.com 
Photo Credit by via www.lovethispic.com 

5 Thing to Consider Before You Commit to Him

Being single we get super excited when we meet a new guy that we sometimes ignore signs that may be screaming to us that he is not the guy! Or maybe he is the right guy for you but you want to ensure some things before you commit. Here are a couple of things to think about. Much more in my book Single to Married!

1. How Does He Communicate With Others
2. What's His Relationship with Mom/Dad
3. His Surroundings
4. Future Goals/Aspirations
5. Relationship With Christ