Okay, Ladies! So I've been there. Dating guys from back to back, hoping and PRAYING that each dating prospect was the one. You get so tired of dating each guy and getting your hopes completely let down. So you hope. You pray. You even find yourself doing everything possible to work with THAT guy, even when it's obvious he is NOT the one. Trust me, I get it. Sometimes we find ourselves so sick of dating. We become desperate for love and attention and we will do ANYTHING just to keep a man around. Well darling, let me be honest with you. That same mindset is usually what make us end up with the wrong guys. The more you try to "make" it work, even when your gut is telling you, "They are NOT the one!" (Made me think of Maury, "You are NOT the Father") lol Okay, back to the subject =) So here are 4 reasons why you have ended up with the wrong guy. There are plenty more reasons why you have probably ended up with the wrong guy, but we will leave those for later. Until then, my book Single to Married goes over many of the mistakes we make and gives you more dating tips so check it out! Alright, here we go:
1. You Try To Change Men
- Now I know that we all have been here. We meet a guy who is really attractive and has about all of what we are looking for on our list. BUT they are missing the really important things such as; having a relationship with God or consistently keeping a job. It could be different things. So we see this guy doesn't have the important stuff but we still go ahead with it because we don't want to start over and meet another guy. We "take" him to church. (Notice the difference between "take" and "going" together.) We make excuses for his lack of willingness to go to church. We even try to place in our minds that we can "save" them. This list could go on and on. Whatever it may be they are lacking, we stay with them in hopes that they will change. Am I saying relationships don't take adjustments? No. But staying with a guy you clearly see is not the one for you and trying to MAKE him the one; that isn't right. Spare wasting your time and spare hurting his feelings. It isn't right.
2. You Focus on the Wrong Things
- Okay, so he is fine, has a good job and gives you butterflies every time you see him. But he never calls, seems to hide you to his friends and has dated you for several months and has STILL not committed to you. Why are you with him again? Oh yeah. That's right. Because he is FINNNNEEEE! Fineness will not make you feel secure, loved nor get you commitment. Should you be attracted to your mate? Of course! But don't let that be the reason why you stay. Make sure he really is a good man and does the things that matter. Love. Respect. Commit. Pray.
3. You Ignore RED FLAGS.
- So you've been dating a guy and he seems just awesome. The more you go out with him you notice certain things he does that raise a flag. He seems to disrespect women jokingly with his friends quite a bit. He acts different around you when he is at work. He seems really distant from his family. He snaps at children when he gets annoyed with them. He tells you he had a physical altercation with a past ex but it was because of her temper. You see things. He tells you things. But you still ignore it. Then one day you all get into an argument and he calls you out of your name and pushes you to the wall. Surprised?? You shouldn't be. He showed you before he had these traits. We as women do this a lot! Pay attention. Men always show who they really are ; you just have to pay attention.
4. You are Insecure
- Please don't take offense. This is only to show you the importance of being confident in who you are. I always remind people on my Her Worth Is Far Above Rubies page that it is so important to know who you are, be confident in who you are and know your worth. If you are insecure in any way, there are men out there who can see it and will prey on it. Let me tell you how. Maybe you are lonely and really want a man around. Soon as a man comes in your presence you scream for attention. You constantly come his way to catch his eye or maybe you somehow get his number and always text him. Let me tell you something, men can sense when a woman is desperate and insecure. When they see that, the wrong man , will pursue and get what he wants from you. You then get upset when he gets what he wants and somehow is acting "different." He isn't acting different. You showed him you wanted the attention and he gave it to you. This also happens when you are insecure and need a man to feel approved or attractive. It is important to know you are beautiful before ANY man tells you. If not, you will fall to any and every word that man says and you won't even notice he isn't putting ANY action behind his words.
I know you want a man. I get it. But don't make these mistakes and end up getting your heart broken. Truly talk to God about how you feel and trust Him to provide it the best way and at the best time. You don't have to be desperate to get what you desire; you have a God. A God that loves you and wants to give you the desires of your heart. Be patient. I PROMISE you it will be worth the wait.
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Love,
Chloe M. Gooden
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